How Reaching Out To An Ex Can Revive Your Tired And Discouraged Dating Attitude
It's a known fact to all of us that the world of dating can be pretty terrifying. We go to bars and meet strangers, or swipe right and set up something with someone who “seems” normal only to find out we were sorely, sorely mistaken.
We place our dating fates in the hands of absolute strangers, trying our luck and "hoping for the best".
We have no choice but to trust that gut feeling of initial attraction when searching for our next possible relationship. But honestly, after too much time and too many weirdos, the “prospects” we weed through day-after-day end up making us feel like there are no normal people left.
Instead of "hoping for the best," we're left feeling hopeless, and we start to convince ourselves that we're destined to end up alone with our cats — even if we hate cats.
So how do you revive your hopes that the dating world might not be oh-so-bad? Segue in a "blast from the past" here.
In the wildly unpredictable world of dating, a "blast from the past" can be a refreshing dose of familiarity and a much needed jolt for the good faith of the dating world.
First, let's define a "blast from the past": This person is not one who burned or hurt you, or someone you have an extreme distaste for. Absolutely not! A blast from the past is called a "blast" for a reason.
Your relationship ended because of nothing, really. Maybe it was timing? Maybe it was just too complicated? Doesn't matter. The point is the attraction, chemistry, and all of the flirty banter never left. When you reconnect with this blast from the past, all of the goodies are still in tact.
Blasts from the past bring out emotions and feelings that were previously stored away and buried by good ol' father time. When you see that former flame it's weird how you can recall almost everything you liked about them and how you felt when you were with them.
It's a trip down memory lane that you never thought you would take again, but aren't mad about journeying down.
There is no better cure to your anxiety about never finding a normal option than someone you already had a flame with, and continue to have chemistry with months — or even years — later.
I recently found myself in this exact situation. After seeing some former college friends (who were also mutual friends with a very good blast from my past), I found myself sitting at the bar with everyone WISHING my blast from the past was also in attendance.
I honestly felt this exact way years ago, while out at a bar with these exact friends, noticing his absence and wishing for his presence. I felt like I was 21 all over again in a wonderfully nostalgic way.
After getting that nervous, "I should text him" feeling that I used to get all the time in college, I scrolled through my contact list, found his number (one I haven't contacted in years), and pressed send.
Minutes (that felt like hours) later, I got a response from my blast from the past. After a few back and forth texts, I got a call. Happy as a clam, I answered only to engage in a conversation that made me feel like nothing had changed. Sure, we hadn't seen each other since college, but he was exactly the same. And further, "we" were the exact same.
Jokes I had completely forgotten about suddenly came to the forefront of both of our minds, and our flirtation and chemistry felt more alive than ever. With discussions of setting up a date to see each other again and promises to touch base the following day, I said goodnight to my revived crush and put my little head to bed with wonderment of "what next?" and "could anything happen again? How weird would that be?!".
It's funny how hope can overcome all emotions when it comes to blasts from the past. Their familiarity makes the awkward early stages of dating disappear. And as we get older, we can't help but ask ourselves, "Could it be something serious? Is this it?"
But, it's also easy to forget that, when nothing seems to have changed, whatever it was that made your relationship evaporate into thin air before likely hasn't changed either.
Unfortunately for me, my blast from the past hadn't changed at all, which was not good.
Remember those guys that you let go of, thinking that maybe someday they would grow up? I had totally forgotten I felt this way about this guy until our follow-up conversation the next day. When I asked his plans for the day/night I got a response that he was with a girl on a day-long date, with the consolation of "it could be you."
Insert major eyeroll and loss of hope for him here.
Until this response, I had completely forgotten that this guy had done this to me all along back in the day. While we had great flirtation and chemistry, he had ALWAYS used other girls to make me jealous and force me to try and lock it down in a real way with him. He used the classic guy reasoning of "I'm allowed to go out with other chicks even though I am going out with you until we become a legit couple."
Further, he never tried to hide his other conquests from me. He was oddly open about it — which he clearly still was. Hell, one time he went on a date with a younger girl who looked so much like me that he asked if he could borrow my ID to get her into the bar. TRUE. STORY. His behavior drove me nuts, and not in the way he wanted.
Lesson learned the hard way here, seven years later: This guy still had not grown up.
But still, while this blast from the past didn't quite work out with the promise it had on the night of its revival, it was a good reminder that the dating world is not that bad.
Just one night, one text message, can change your dating outlook, even if just for a few hours.
It proved to me that chemistry can still exist years later. And most of all, while I might never end up with my blast from my past, it turned around my discouragement that I would end up alone with cats.