It's possible your FWB is looking to DTR.
Falling in love with your friend with benefits is like working full-time as an unpaid intern at your dream company with no guarantee that you’ll actually ever secure employment. It sucks, especially when you're the one who's caught feelings. And while you may wonder, “Do guys fall in love with friends with benefits?,” the truth is that people of all genders can succumb to the temptation of falling for their FWB. There are often signs your friend with benefits is falling for you, and if you notice them, then it’s up to you to decide if you feel the same way and where things will go next.
As sex expert and host of the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast, Jess O'Reilly, previously told Elite Daily, catching feelings when you’re regularly hooking up with someone isn’t just common — it’s kind of inevitable. "Spending time together can inevitably lead to feelings of attachment,” she explained, “and since you’re also engaging in physically intimate activities, it’s normal to feel a human connection.” Consistently being intimate and friendly with someone will inevitably breed attraction, but if you start to think, “Does my friend with benefits have feelings for me?,” then here are some ways to know that for sure.
They Get Jealous
One of the surest signs your FWB wants something more is if they get a ~little bit jealous~ about your dating life. When the possibility of you dating someone else stirs up some jealousy, that person you’re hooking up with is either a touch possessive... or they see you as more than just a friend. According to dating coach and founder of Dating Transformation Connell Barrett, when your hookup buddy starts to take an interest in the other people in your life, then you should take notice. “The deadest of dead giveaways is when your FWB makes demands on your time or asks emotionally-charged questions like, ‘Who is he/she?’ or ‘Why haven’t you called/texted?’" he explained.
They Text You Randomly
If your relationship is purely physical, then you will likely only receive texts from your FWB at night asking, “U up?” But if they start reaching out during the day to simply see how you are, or to share a funny anecdote, or to wish you a good morning, then there’s a good chance they’re falling. “You might not realize it, but filling you in on even the mundane things — that’s significant,” Patti Wood, body language expert and author of SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma, previously told Elite Daily. “Openly sharing information with you — without you even asking for it — there’s so much intimacy in that.”
They Make Plans With You
When a person is only interested in sex, they care more about getting intimate than impressing you. But if your FWB starts asking you to do activities that don’t involve close proximity to a bed — like dinner at a restaurant or a trip to the movies — then it’s possible they want to know you outside of the bedroom. As Barrett previously told Elite Daily, when your FWB starts “pushing for activities that committed couples engage in: wine-and-dine dates, weekend getaways, getting together with friends,” then this is a sign they’re looking to take things to the next level.
They Take An Interest In Your Life
Someone’s who is reluctant to have anything beyond superficial conversations is probs only looking for a superficial relationship. But if your FWB starts to push your convos beyond your looks, your next hookup, or your sexual preferences, then their interest is likely genuine. As Cherlyn Chong, a dating and breakup recovery coach, previously told Elite Daily, your FWB may start commenting on or liking your pictures on Instagram, or “they'll ask about your day and start sending you things they think you'd like” — whatever they can do to get your attention and convey their interest.
They Share Things With You
Getting serious with someone means getting a little vulnerable, and if your FWB starts to open up to you, then it’s a good sign that you’ve earned their trust — and perhaps even more than that. As Shan Boodram, a certified sexologist and ambassador for TENGA sex toys, previously told Elite Daily, you can tell your hookup buddy is into you if there's an increased degree of vulnerability and sharing. “When you don’t see any progress in the level of responsibility they’re offering to you as a partner, that’s an indicator that they’re not looking for commitment," she said.
Do these signs sound familiar? Then your FWB likely doesn’t consider your relationship casual anymore and wants to make things official. If that sounds like something you’re into, then relationship and etiquette expert April Masini suggested engaging in a very candid conversation with them. “If you can both agree to try this new status for three months and then decide at that time if it’s still working or not, you’re not going to be second guessing each other as much,” she said. “Also agree that if it’s not working for one or both of you, you’ll let the other one know before going off with someone else. This is a lot more difficult to do than to talk about when you’re transitioning from a casual to a more monogamous relationship.”
And if you’re not interested in being more than friends with your FWB, then be honest about that, too. “You need to be clear about how you feel and stop all physical contact from that point on — even if they say they can handle it,” career and relationship coach Brenda Della Casa told Elite Daily. “To continue to have sex or even kiss is unfair to them.”
Navigating a FWB relationship when someone wants more than friendship is never easy, but the best thing you can do is be as honest with yourself and them as possible.
Jess O'Reilly, sex expert and host of the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast
Connell Barrett, dating coach and founder of Dating Transformation
Patti Wood, body language expert and author of SNAP: Making the Most of First Impressions, Body Language, and Charisma
Cherlyn Chong, dating and breakup recovery coach
April Masini, relationship and etiquette expert
Brenda Della Casa, career and relationship coach
Editor's Note: This story has been updated by Elite Daily Staff.
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