No matter how much you love the basic missionary position (it’s a classic for a reason!), sometimes it’s fun to spice up your sex life with something new. Whether it’s a kink you’ve kept hidden, a new toy that recently caught your eye, or a difficult sex position promising to take you on a wild ride, there are so many ways to inject newness into the bedroom when the classics start to feel a little worn out.
San Francisco–based sex expert and therapist Celeste Hirschman, MA, co-founder of the Somatica Method of sex, says it’s totally normal to crave some new positions with your partner, especially if you’re in a long-term monogamous relationship. “Monogamy can get boring, and creativity is so important to keep your sex life strong,” she tells Elite Daily. “You need to be consciously making an effort to try new things together.”
Aside from the fact that it can be a super fun challenge, when it comes to difficult sex positions, sometimes that old adage really applies: The journey is the destination. Hirschman says the process of figuring out how to make expert-level positions work — together — can do amazing things for your emotional bond. “The best thing about trying new, fun sex positions is the novelty, the playfulness, the co-creation,” she says. “That sense of collaboration can be very intimacy- and trust-building.”
On the other hand, sex educator Goody Howard says adding expert-level sex positions to your repertoire can be like “ordering live octopus” at a restaurant. You do it for the novelty, for the thrill, and for the bragging rights — but do you actually want to eat that thing?
“People usually try these daredevil sex positions out of boredom,” she says. “They want to try something different, like how you try new foods on a whim.” But in truth, she says, just because a position is difficult doesn’t necessarily mean it’s any more fulfilling or pleasurable. The challenge is to find positions that are new and exciting but also full of orgasmic potential.
“‘Expert’ should mean the most pleasurable, but usually it’s just a stand-in for degree of difficulty or complication,” she explains. “Some of the simplest positions are extremely pleasurable because of the level of closeness, the negative space, and the ability to maintain rhythm. They’re not handstands or split lunges or whatever. People are out here having sex for sport, not for pleasure, and that’s a fool’s errand in my mind.”
Difficult sex positions are also not always accessible for all body types and abilities — and what qualifies as a “difficult” position for one body might be less of a challenge for another. If you attempt a position where you can’t breathe or properly hold yourself up, Howard says it’s time to reassess. You don’t want to sacrifice your safety, pleasure, and focus just to impress your partner with your elastic abilities.
To execute an expert-level position, you don’t necessarily have to be doing handstands or holding your partner upside down — though if you’re physically capable, that’s certainly a possibility!
“There are lots of things that could make a position ‘expert’ level,” Howard explains. “If it requires a certain level of rhythm, that might be ‘expert’ level for some people — not everybody has rhythm! To be contorted all up and still thrust is a challenge. You can also incorporate tools and toys that up your game.”
One idea? Howard recommends playing around with a foam pillow wedge under your partner’s butt while you’re on top to elevate their penis or dildo as it’s entering you.
Read on for more expert-level sex positions that are all about your pleasure.
Goody Howard, sex educator