Yes, Scissoring Is Really A Thing. Can We Stop Pretending It Isn't?

My first hookup with another woman was awkward and sloppy. It wasn’t the seamless orgasm-parade I’d seen in porn: I didn’t know where to put my hands, my tongue got tired. But 20 minutes in, she sat me up and pulled me in close, until I was straddling her body with mine. Our legs were intertwined, sort of criss-crossed and interlocked, and she guided my lower body back and forth, pelvis-to-pelvis, so I was grinding on top of hers. It felt new. It felt warm. It felt good.

Is this what the kids call… scissoring? I asked myself. It didn’t look exactly like the scissoring I’d seen online but it felt how I imagined it would. Whatever it was, I liked it. And I wanted more.

As I grew into my queerness, I learned that on the internet, there’s an entire scissoring discourse amongst lesbians, bisexuals, other women-loving women (WLW), and queer folks. In fact, there’s lively debate over whether or not “scissoring” — or, as San Francisco–based sex expert and therapist Celeste Hirschman, MA, co-founder of the Somatica Method Of Sex, describes it, a “pussy-to-pussy connection” — is even a real sex act that real people actually do, or if it’s just a biologically improbable invention of the male gaze.

How could scissoring not be ‘real’ if I’ve done it, I like it, and I will do it again?

For one, an Insider article called scissoring a straight-up “myth” in 2019. There’s also a 2014 episode of Orange Is The New Black wherein Poussey and her girlfriend try to fit their legs together like two pairs of scissors until they give up in a fit of hysterics. “I told you scissoring wasn’t a thing,” Poussey said. And, up until recently, there was even a popular LGBTQ+ podcast titled Scissoring Isn’t A Thing, which discussed queer pop culture and featured at least one argument between the cohosts about the legitimacy of lesbian scissoring. (Spoiler: One host said it’s a thing, the other disagreed. Queer hilarity ensued.)

But how could scissoring not be “real” if I’ve done it, I like it, and I will do it again? And why is it continually undermined by members of the queer community? For starters, many lesbians and women-loving women are understandably defensive and protective of their sexual expression and the way it’s portrayed. This is largely because female desire is regularly misrepresented and degraded in male-centric depictions of queer femininity.

“So much of what is considered ‘lesbian sex’ in porn is not anything [you'd see in real life],” Hirschman says. One example? The knife-sharp acrylic manicures that many porn stars don. “You see these huge, long fingernails going in and out of vaginas — like, let's at least look for some clipped fingernails! It can all feel very much for the male gaze as opposed to for the physical pleasure of the people experiencing it.”

According to GLSEN's 2019 National School Climate Survey, only 8.2% of U.S. students in grades six to 12 reported receiving LGBTQ-inclusive sex education. Consequently, people of all sexual orientations learn most of what they know about queer sex from media and porn. This means many people may end up assuming that scissoring is the primary — if not the only — way two female-bodied people have sex, even if it’s not.

Still, no matter how you slice it, scissoring is real, and if you’re anything like me, it’s real nice. Smushing and rubbing our genitals together is one of the oldest and most universal human pastimes; whether you have sex with women, men, or anyone in between, you can climb aboard and give this versatile, misunderstood position a spin. Read on for everything you’ve ever wanted to know and more about scissoring.

So… Is Scissoring Real?

Yes! According to one 2015 survey gauging lesbian sex trends among the readers of LGBTQ+ blog Autrostraddle, 40.7% of the 8,500 respondents said scissoring was a regular part of their sex lives.

Hirschman says there are plenty of reasons why female-bodied folks may love to scissor, and part of the appeal may be a feeling of affirmation. “Psychologically, it's like, 'Oh, we're putting our pussies together.' It could feel powerful to say ‘I love this part of me and this part of you, let's get them together.' There's both physiological and psychological arousal available,” she says. And though the term “scissoring” may conjure images of something sharp and pointy, vulvas are soft, warm, and wet. “It can be a really nice, smooth, slippery sensation” to put them together, she adds.

But just as scissoring is far from the only sex act for queer folks to play around with, it’s also not only a position reserved for queer people at all. Sex educator Lisa Finn previously explained to Healthline that “the definition of scissoring has expanded to be more genital- and gender-inclusive and nonspecific,” and can be used interchangeably with humping, grinding, and straddling.

What Exactly Is Scissoring?

Finn also told Healthline that scissoring is technically a specific variation of “tribbing,” which is the actual sex act that involves rubbing genitals together.

Psychotherapist Amanda Luterman, founder of the Center For Erotic Empathy in Montreal, says that the pelvic-to-pelvic rubbing you get from scissoring and tribbing can be very stimulating for the internal clitoris, which is probably bigger than you realized.

Rebecca Brightman, M.D., an OB-GYN at East Side Women’s Associates, previously told Glamour that the entire clitoris is “0.5 to 2 cm in length, and the glans is less than 1 cm.” The entire clitoris — which includes the external glans that you can see, plus bulbous internal extensions and an internal winglike structure — becomes “engorged and enlarged with stimulation.”

All that clitoral real estate means that the external rubbing involved in scissoring and tribbing can be very satisfying and has the potential to lead to orgasms for some.

But not all scissors are created equal. Hirschman explains that the traditional form of scissoring often depicted in mainstream porn involves “two women whose legs are directly linked with each other and their pussies are touching and rubbing against each other, with their heads on opposite sides.”

She says this exact position — the “full scissor” — is likely exaggerated in porn, and it’s not typically how two female-bodied people would have sex.

“If you think about being in full scissor, your legs are spread open and just your pussies are touching. You don't see each other's faces, the mechanics are hard, and you’re just sort of rocking back and forth,” she says.

How Can I Make The Scissor Work For Me?

There are variations on the full scissor — what Hirschman describes as a modified scissor — that can involve much more closeness, touching, and sensation.

If you’ve never been into scissoring because you’re worried about your ability to recreate the twists and bends of the ladies in your favorite PornHub videos, there are modifications you can make that might just change your mind. Hirschman recommends aligning yourself with your partner so that you’re up on the person's leg and off to the side a bit, with one of your legs between their legs. You can both be sitting up facing each other, or one of you can be lying on your back with the other positioned on top. These variations allow for genital-to-genital connection while still getting to see your partner and take in their body with your eyes.

Why Are Some People Anti-Scissor?

As long as queer sex remains an object of fascination, fetishization, and mockery for many straights, the porny version of scissoring may feel especially inauthentic to queer folks who don’t tend to go for that position in their own relationships.

Also, scissoring and tribbing may not lead to orgasms for some people depending upon their anatomy, and that’s OK. Marla Renee Stewart, MA, sexpert for Lovers, previously explained to Cosmopolitan that different bodies will experience different levels of pleasure from scissoring, depending on the angle of one’s genitalia. What she calls “front-facing” vulvas will likely feel more sensation than “back-facing” vulvas, which can make it hard to get leverage. There are plenty of toys to incorporate to make scissoring more pleasurable, however; Stewart recommended a sex wedge like the Jaz Motion Wedge, which can make the back-and-forth motion more accessible.

How Can I Prepare To Scissor?

Any unprotected genital contact or exchanging of bodily fluids can potentially spread STIs, so especially if you’re having sex with multiple partners, it’s smart to incorporate a dental dam or female condom in your scissoring. As for the pleasure side, a squeeze or two of lube may help to optimize comfort and increase orgasm potential. Also: Don’t forget to stretch. Your hip flexors and hamstrings will thank you.

Scissoring Is All About Trial And Error

That being said, if you give scissoring a whirl and find it’s not for you, Hirschman says that’s totally normal, too. “Even if it's just silly and you end up laughing and rolling around with each other in that playful mode, that's a great energy to bring into your sexual life, to be open to new things and to be able to laugh and play,” she says.

Clearly, not all sex acts are accessible to or deliver the same kind of pleasure for all genitals and body types. But a position isn’t wholly invalid simply because some people’s bodies don’t bend a certain way or it doesn’t give some people orgasms. If you didn’t know before, now you do: Scissoring is in fact a thing. You’re welcome.