This summer, I purchased my first home with my fiancée. We'd lived together in my parents home for several months, so we figured having a place to ourselves wouldn't be much of a transition.
I mean, we already lived together. We were going to be like two sexy little peas in a very overpriced pod! Except we weren't. At least, not exactly.
Once it's just the two of you, things do indeed change. By moving in with your partner, you're assuming the roles of husband and wife. But instead of being married to each other, you're mutually committed to this one, very expensive house that'll take the majority of your lives to pay off.
With such high stakes, there's a lot to gain and lose when you do finally move in. And as any couple who's ever lived together knows, you will find yourselves having a number of standard arguments over and over again.
Most of these arguments have no merit and brew from outside sources, but your partner gets the brunt of it because they're, well, there. So let's get started on these arguments, shall we?
1.The conflict of the light switch.
Because I always grew up with pets, when I would leave the house, I'd always leave the TV on for them so they'd feel less alone.
Since we've only had the house for a few months, I continue to leave the TV on when I leave. This INFURIATES my fiancée, who, as soon as I step in the house, scolds me as if I were being reprimanded by a teacher in grade school.
I'd then daftly counter with, “Well, I'm the one paying the electricity bill, so why do you care?" and, as I'm sure you can imagine, a whole other argument ensues.
2. Bills, bills, bills.
Money will always be a subject of contention for couples. Always.
When you move in with somebody, you marry each other financially, so this contention can grow. Add to the fact that you're absolutely astounded by the amount of money you're now spending on bills that used to be spent on beer and just beer.
As such, your money becomes their money and vice versa. Your spending affects them and their spending affects you.
I should add here that bills aren't often the source of an argument (at least in our home), but are instead used as a last line of defense in an argument.
For instance, if you pay the majority of the bills, you will undoubtedly use this against your partner when verbally backed into a corner. It's not a smart thing to do, but like I said, it's a last line of defense. It's all you've got.
3. Settling on TV shows.
I'm fortunate that my fiancée and I like watching the same shows, but there are moments when we disagree and a lukewarm argument ensues.
For instance, I know my fiancée doesn't want to watch a show when she innocently asks: “What's this?” or “What are you watching?"
Knowing this is her method to vocalize her distaste for whatever's on, I surrender by delicately placing the converter on her lap, where she'll then switch it over to The Food Network.
4. Accusations of one's laziness.
Since I work from home, my fiancée likes to think I have the day to sweep the floors, do the laundry, fold the laundry and otherwise ensure the house is spotless.
To her, I'm Cinderella with a laptop who writes the occasional boner joke in a Word document.
On the other hand, when my fiancée comes home mid-afternoon, she'll sit on the couch and eat a can of chickpeas, warm up some tomato soup and not do much else.
To be fair, she works as a baker and wakes up at 4 am, but when I'm being accused of laziness, the claws come out and nobody is safe. We'll poke at each other, accusing the other of being lazy, until an actual argument follows.
What you ultimately realize is that anyone can be accused of being lazy with the right argument.
5. The terrible, deplorable saga that is laundry.
Laundry. FUCKING LAUNDRY. Without a doubt, the worst chore of all chores.
While neither of us has any problem throwing a load in the washer or dryer, it's the folding and hanging that's a pain in the ass.
There have been a few times where I've washed, dried and folded the laundry, have gotten fed up and asked that she hang the laundry in the closet. This is where our arguments will usually begin.
Her side: “Why not finish the deed yourself? You're already 80 percent there.” Mine: “I've done most of the work, just help me!”
Conclusion: Laundry doesn't get hung but instead sits on the floor in a spare room.
6. Compromising on bedtime activities.
Because my fiancée wakes up so early and I don't have a dedicated start time, our bedtime schedules are very different.
Though we've each compromised, we discovered many things about each other, such as: I like to watch TV in the bedroom; she doesn't. I like having a fan on in the room; she doesn't. She likes body contact; I don't. And so on.
I know we're not alone on this one. I just know it.
7. Doing the dishes.
I actually don't hate doing the dishes. I really don't. I mean, I don't love it, but in terms of chores, it's really not so bad.
I should add here that we don't have a dishwasher, so I've kind of assumed this role myself. If you do have one and complain, you've got no foot to stand on. I'm sorry, you just don't.
Like I've mentioned, my fiancée's a baker and loves to bake at any and every given opportunity, so the dishes are seemingly endless.
I should also add that she's vegan and I'm not, so to make sure that no animal product comes in contact with her food, our dishes are pretty much doubled.
When the dishes start piling on themselves, forming a steel volcano about to erupt with vanilla cupcake batter, I'll admit I get frustrated. Cue argument.
8. Whoever does the cooking holds all the power.
Like paying the bills, the person who cooks in the household will always highlight this fact when they've got no other form of defense in an argument.
It's like a verbal stun gun: You bring it up, deliver the blinding impact that is your own pettiness and flee the argument hoping they've got no retort.
9. Understanding that a woman's beauty takes time.
Before living together, all I'd see was my fiancée walking down her driveway looking sexy and flawless.
Now that we live together, I understand that before she worked that driveway like a runway, she spent several hours doing her hair and makeup. Tack on another hour for the outfit.
Now that we live together, this becomes less flattering and more frustrating.
Here you are, all dressed, car keys in hand and should have left 10 minutes ago. But there she is, the love of your life, teasing her hair in her underwear with a glass of wine on the counter.
Like, come on. WE'VE GOTTA GO!