Because nothing in life (or at least in NYC) can ever truly be perfect, with the glorious sunshine of the new season also comes the muggy humidity, swamp ass and frizz hair that is East Coast summer.
There’s something deadly about the combination of proximity to water and surrounding pavement that makes NYC summers really wet.
And thus you find your cute silk romper not only sticking to parts of your body like next-day cling wrap, but also yellowing in the process.
It makes for a very icky and very damp day at your desk.
Which is why we’ve learned to stock our closets with outfits specifically designed to be as loose and non-sweat-producing as possible.
Every time we see a corporate dude looking exceptionally warm in a full-on button-down, jacket and tie, we can at least put things into perspective.
Here’s how to dress when you don’t want anything to stick to you:
Do your armpits hang low?
Even for those of us who don’t like showing our arms (or should I call them wings? Because that’s what they are beginning to look like), we still switch to tank-top mode during those impossibly hot, humid days.
Even better than a tank top is a dress or shirt that has low-hanging armpits so your pits can breathe and your limbs can move without adhering to things.
Remember, your armpits are like the windows to your soul -- meaning keeping them as open as possible will allow for a good cross breeze along your torso.
Let there be light.
If there’s one thing to remember from this post, it’s the word “light.” As in light colors, light fabrics and light cuts.
Light colors are less likely to show signs of perspiration (and if you’re standing in direct sunlight, they don’t absorb as much heat, which keeps you cooler, longer).
Light material (cotton and gauze all the way) is great because you won’t feel like you’re trapped in your winter coat when things start to get sticky.
And light cuts will give your skin room to breathe (aka save the body-hugging bandage dresses and pencil skirts for the air conditioner days).
Have your own back.
Open back, specifically. When you can’t expose too much up front (‘cause hello, titties) you can always have a party on the other side.
Open backs are pretty much as naked as you can get without being ticketed for public indecency or resorting to a bra crop top. It’s like “The Emperor’s New Clothes” -- people think you are fully clothed, but you’re actually pretty out in the open.
And for the girls who would rather three-day marinate in their own perspiration than go braless, open-back pieces still look great with a lacey bra peeking out.
Loose-fitting bottoms (think: slits, flared, fabric shorts instead of denim ones) don’t encourage the formation of natural swimming pools in your ass crack.
The last thing you want to feel is seat-buckled into your pants. Lose the button closures and thigh-sucking shorts -- you’ll feel a whole lot better when you get some air down there.
Take it off.
A sweaty chest is not as attractive as a hairy one. Especially when you’ve got the equivalent of a lobster bib around your neck, a beaded-wet chesticle makes for a very unpleasant situation.
The only thing we like to stick to is exposed, open necks and chests.
Think: square and V-cuts, button-downs, easy tank tops. More space for your chest = more room to breathe.
It doesn’t need to be revealing, just relieving - like a cold compress to cool your neck (you can always duck into the nearest coffee shop to give yourself a free wipe down, if necessary).