Walk Of Shame Or Stride Of Pride: 9 Signs You Slept Out Last Night

by Ashley Fern

You go out on the weekend with every intention of making it back to your own apartment at the end of the night, whether it’s with a guy or a pizza. But the next thing you know, it’s 7 am and you wake up in an unfamiliar apartment with a vague recollection of how you ended up there -- don’t worry, this happens to the best of us.

As soon as you regain full consciousness, it’s time to get the F out of there as quickly as you possibly can before the real world wakes up and catches on to what you’ve done. More often than not, the awkwardness of the morning will follow you until you arrive safely back in your own room.

You think you can avoid this, but honestly sometimes there's just no way. There are some pretty obvious telltale signs that people have spent their nights somewhere else other than their own beds. If it’s the winter and your coat is nowhere to be seen -- you slept out. If you’re holding your shoes in your hand while you walk home -- you slept out. What are the other dead giveaways? Look below to find out.

Your phone battery is less than 8%

Now that the world is basically split in half by iPhone 4s and 5s, you may not have the option of charging your phone. Honestly, does it really ever get that far? Chances are you stopped looking at your phone the second you met up at that place you spent the night. You can worry about your phone battery in the morning.

It’s 9am and you’re walking home in high heels and a dress

If you are decked out in a dress and heels before noon, there’s a 99.9% chance you slept out the night before. Why the f*ck would anyone willingly wear something so uncomfortable this early in the damn morning? Hopefully the guy is nice enough to offer you clothes if he isn’t willing to offer you a ride. Side note: the clutch always gives you away.

Your eye makeup is at your chin

Started from your eyeliner, now you here. If you’re sleeping out, you are most definitely not washing your face because A) you don’t have your own washcloth or face products and B) if you are sleeping at a guy’s place, you definitely don’t want to be waking up in the broad daylight au naturel. As all ladies know, if you choose to sleep with your makeup on, you will definitely wake up with raccoon eyes; this isn’t a good look for anyone.

Your breath stinks

You wake up to realize that your breath smells like a lovely mix of beer, vodka, cigarettes and whatever late night snacks you may have indulged in the night before. You’re sh*t out of luck because your toothbrush is all the way back in your own bathroom. Hopefully you have a pack of gum in your purse to mask the stench.

Your last 5 texts are variations of “WHERE ARE YOU?”

Guys would never do this to their friends because they know exactly what their friend is doing after his night out; girls, on the other hand, tend to overreact when they’re intoxicated and can’t find their bestie. Your phone is buried deep inside your purse and it will definitely not resurface until your walk of shame begins.

Sex hair

Morning sex isn’t an option because you look like a recently electrocuted Frankenstein. There’s no chance of de-knotting your hair before your departure, so hopefully you have a hair tie handy. You know the first thing you’re doing when you get home is taking a shower and loading up on conditioner.

You look bewildered for no reason

Well, at least that’s what onlookers think, but in your mind all you can think is: “Sh*t, I hope I don’t see anyone I know.” It’s really early in the morning, you’re trying to piece together the night before as you head home. The sheer look of anxiety plastered on your face is from all the details of your night, flooding back to you.

You’re missing one under garment

It might be your bra, underwear or one or both socks. Since these items of clothing are so small, they can be pretty hard to locate in the morning and it’s not like the guy is in any rush to help you find them. Sure he’ll make a two second effort to check behind the pillow, but after that, he’s hoping for failure just so he can go back to sleep.

Your outfit consists of the following combinations

Heels + Dress + Hoodie + Ponytail

Heels + Oversized Sweats + Afro

Too Big Sandals + Dress + Messy Bun

Any of these above combinations can be interchanged, but the theme remains the same: your outfit is more like a uniform for the walk of shame.

Top photo courtesy of Tumblr