The 17 Types Of Drunk Friends Every Girl Has In Her Lifetime

by Ashley Fern

The weekend is the time for our inner alcoholic to break free from the constraints of corporate America. It’s the time we hang up our lady suits, gather our crew of girls and make our way to the bar.

The last thing on anyone’s mind is responsibility — except for girl #6, but more on her to come. Each of your friends fulfills a different persona after the alcohol passes her lips. Beware of your quiet friend because one moment she will be right next to you and the next dancing on the bar.

Here are the 17 types of drunk friends we all know and love:

1. The Borderline Alcoholic

This is your friend who, on any given night out, is blacked out. It doesn't matter if it's a work happy hour on a Tuesday or a Saturday night out with her friends; this bitch never knows what the hell is going on.

Every night is a great night for her because she doesn't know any better. Well, that is until she looks at her text messages from the night before. #Fail

2. The Girl Who Can't Stop Crying

This is perhaps the worst type of girl to ever go out with. As soon as her second vodka cranberry passes through her lips, this girl is bawling her eyes out. Why? It doesn't even matter.

It could be something her ex did, or it could be the fact that someone else at the bar is wearing the same outfit as she is. I once cried in public and my best friend slapped me across the face. Needless to say, it never happened again.

3. The Bully

This girl is basically Regina George come to life. While everyone else is having the time of their lives, this girl is picking fights. She's an angry drunk with no remorse.

Don't try to talk any sense into this girl because she will probably just scream at you. Keep your distance and hopefully tomorrow you can talk to her about her irrational behavior.

4. The Girl Who Only Goes Out To Meet Guys

(*cough* DESPERATE *cough*) This girl needs to do so much less. This is your friend who only feels good about herself when a guy is paying attention to her.

It actually pains me to write this because it's so sad this type of girl even exists. Moving on to the more entertaining women in our lives...

5. The Girl Who Always Needs To Be Taken Home

This girl is somewhat like The Borderline Alcoholic, but for some reason she can't seem to take care of herself. She's falling all over the place, walking like a newborn and spilling her drink (which she definitely doesn't need) on everyone.

No one wants to ever be held responsible for the girl who needs to be taken home, which is why there is usually that one designated person...

6. The Babysitter

This is the mom of the group and the savior to The Girl Who Always Needs To Be Taken Home (#5). She usually maintains a steady buzz throughout the night in case one of her friends needs her assistance.

Little does this girl know, her friends get extra wasted because they know, with her help, they will make it home safe and sound.

7. The Mooch

This girl carries no cash and more often than not she'll claim she "forgot her wallet." She doesn't offer to buy the group shots and definitely isn't going anywhere that requires a cover charge. Coat check?

This chick either ventures sans jacket or asks each of her friends for a dollar to contribute.

8.  The "I Love You" Girl

OMG, please do all of your friends a favor and STFU! The amount this girl expresses her feelings is in direct proportion to the amount of tequila shots she has ingested. She means well, but honestly, that amount of word vomit can get pretty damn annoying.

9. The One Who Always Gets Sick

The vomit either appears the night of or the morning after, but one thing is for sure, this girl is going to be puking her brains out at one point or another. Keep your distance and toss a yellow Gatorade her way. She'll be alright in a few hours… hopefully.

10. The "Chain Smoker"

Hell hath no fury like a drunk girl fiending for some Marlboro Menthols. I swear this girl smokes more cigs than actual cigarette smokers. It may not be the most attractive look, but she doesn't give a sh*t. All she cares about is bumming a cig and lighter off the nearest guy.

11. The Girl Who Leaves The Bar Without Telling Anyone

This girl's go-to move is the Irish Exit. You don't even become concerned when you can't seem to locate her at the bar because you know she's either off meeting up with a guy or heading home to order Domino's. She can also be referred to as "The Houdini."

12. The One Who Loses Sh*t And Makes It Your Problem

YOU lost YOUR wallet; that makes it YOUR problem. Get a handle on your life and your credit card. I'm over here having a great time and all I hear is your incessant whining about how you lost your cell phone, which is probably just stuck at the bottom of your purse.

13. The Girl Who Can't Shut The F*ck Up

Once the alcohol starts flowing, this girl's mouth doesn't stop moving. She will tell anyone willing to listen her complete life story, even though no one asked for it.

You would think this person ingested a pound of cocaine at the rate she's going, but nope! It's just vodka.

14. The Girl Who Gets A Little Too Close For Comfort

So there's this great thing called personal space, which this girl is completely oblivious to. She doesn't care that you can hear her perfectly; she needs to get right in your face to tell you a story you didn't want to listen to in the first place.

15. The Girl Whose Morals Go Out The Window

As soon as this chick's inhibitions disappear, so does she, along with her clothing and her dignity. She came out to get f*cked up and doesn't care how sloppy, slutty or stupid she may look. She's just hoping you are equally as inebriated as she is, so come tomorrow, this is all a blur.

16. The Girl Who Twerks On The Floor Of The Bar

She doesn't care that she has no rhythm or any idea what the hell she's doing. She's wasted and wants to dance. This girl is probably your whitest friend, but when the music is blasting, she has no reservations. Let her live her life and be thankful it's not you.

17. The Girl Who Gets Drunk And Cheats On Her Boyfriend

She goes out believing the motto: If I don't remember, it never happened. Too bad for you, honey; it did happen and there were a ton of witnesses. Good luck getting yourself out of this one.

Top Photo Courtesy:We Heart It