Secret Behavior: 18 Weird Things Girls Do When They're Home Alone
Ladies, if you do weird-ass sh*t when you're home alone, you're not alone.
I've polled 19 women to prove it.
If you think you're a total weirdo when home alone, you're going to feel a lot better after reading this.
There are women out there who do much more bizarre things than you when no one's watching.
It's obvious to me now why so many women go on less dates than they could, and stay in on Friday nights.
They obviously don't mind staying single because they love doing this freaky stuff when no one's around.
It's also becoming understandable why so many of us can't have roommates.
To save money on rent by having a roommate (or a boyfriend), many of us would have to give up our secret single behavior.
"Secret Single Behavior" was coined on "Sex and the City," in reference to single women who do strange stuff when they're home alone.
We're about to reveal the truth behind this awesome and hilarious phenomenon.
The women I've polled are between the ages of 22 and 32, and they seem totally normal.
I've polled an elementary school teacher, a restaurant manager, a real estate agent, five students, two writers, a photographer, a laser technician, two executive assistants, a radio host, a physiotherapist, a bartender, a personal trainer and a lawyer.
Out of the 19 women I polled, only one claimed she never does anything weird when she's alone.
(I'm pretty sure she's a liar.)
The rest of the group immediately confessed to some shockingly weird stuff.
I have, of course, used pseudonyms to protect the identity of these weirdos.
So, here are 18 real secret single behaviors from 18 different women.
1. The Chip Licker
"I often buy a huge bag of salt and vinegar chips, and I lick the flavor off each chip. I put the licked chips in a bowl. At the end of it, I throw the bowl of licked chips away.
It's not even because I'm trying to watch my weight or anything. I just literally love licking chips while I watch TV.
It's my version of a lollipop.
Out of the entire bag, I might actually eat like two chips, but that's only after I've licked the chip enough times to make it soft and soggy.
Call me crazy, but I don't like crunchy chips."
— Kelsey, 29
2. Naked YouTube Dancer
"I could never have a roommate because I'm always trying to learn dance moves on YouTube, all while I'm naked and alone at home.
I'm also a naked yogi.
I love doing yoga naked because I can move so freely without the restrictions of clothing." — Jess, 26
3. Butter Lover
"I mix sugar and butter together in a bowl, and I eat it raw by the spoonful.
It's the greatest combination ever."
— Samantha, 26
4. The Crafty Snacker
"When I'm chillin' at home, I make myself the most bizarre snacks.
My current favorite is to buy a package of Mini Oreos, put them in a bowl, melt them in the microwave and then spread cool whip on top.
I also pour soy milk and maple syrup on this concoction, and eat about three bowls of it.
I could never do this in front of someone."
— Monica, 29
5. The Harmonizer
"I record myself singing on my iPhone.
Then, I press play and harmonize with myself over, and over, and over."
— Brittany, 22
6. The Food Hoarder
"Every Sunday, I don't eat all day.
Then finally, at around 7 pm, I start to get all these cravings.
I often crave food from three different restaurants in my neighborhood, and I feel compelled to drive to all three and get three different meals to satisfy my cravings.
Last Sunday, I got a burger and fries from McDonald's, a pasta dish from a local restaurant and a lava cake from a different restaurant.
I ate all of it in one sitting, while watching a movie on Netflix.
I need to stop because I spend a lot of money on gas from driving all over town to gather my feast."
— Chelsea, 31
7. The Cereal Chiller
"I love ice-cold cereal, so I pour myself a bowl, and put several ice cubes in it.
I don't even wait for the ice to melt, I chew it along with my cereal. I know how weird that is."
— Ashley, 23
8. The Instagram Freak
"I put makeup on, put my phone in selfie mode and sing a chorus of a song I like.
I do this about 20 times in a row and replay them all.
When I pick a video I think I look and sound pretty in, I post it to Instagram.
This whole process takes over an hour, but it's usually a huge waste of time because if nobody comments with a compliment within five minutes, I delete it."
— Carly, 25
9. The Chocolate Gremlin
"I eat one small square of a chocolate bar, and I put the rest of the bar back in the cupboard.
Then, I got get another square five minutes later, and put the rest back.
Then I get another, and I repeat until the whole chocolate bar is gone. I'm not sure why I bother putting the rest away anymore."
— Alaina, 26
10. The Copy Cat
"I often binge-watch Netflix and/or my recordings for over six straight hours, and sometimes, I'll pause a movie or TV show to reenact a scene (especially musical scenes).
For example, I recently reenacted the cups scene from 'Pitch Perfect' (I even grabbed a cup, but failed at that part), the scene in 'Easy A' where Emma Stone sings 'Pocket Full of Sunshine' and the scene in 'Scream Queens' when Abigail Breslin slapped herself.
I'll also watch 'The Voice,' and if a performer sings a song I like in a unique way, I'll replay it and sing along, while mocking the exact way the person sang it."
— Allison, 27
11. Grocery Bag Head
"I put coconut oil in my hair to deep condition it. To seal the moisture in, I put a grocery store bag on my head.
So, I basically sit there with a plastic grocery store bag on my head for four hours, and I've been known to answer the door with it on when my takeout arrives."
— Anna, 32
12. The Honey Junkie
"I try to keep unhealthy food out of my house, but sometimes when I'm at home, I crave sugar really badly.
I'll then rummage through my entire house looking for anything remotely sweet.
I've been known to stand in the kitchen in my sweat pants, eating honey by the spoonful straight out of the jar like a junkie getting her fix.
I'm not proud of this."
— Denise, 29
13. The Naked Chef
"My secret single behavior is that I'm always naked.
I cook naked, I do my housecleaning naked and I read naked.
I know it sounds like a porno, but it's just my life.
It started off when I realized I hate wearing pants, then I realized I hate wearing bras and eventually I realized I just want to be naked all the time."
— Rebecca, 27
14. The Butt Photographer
"I'm not proud of how long I'll spend taking mirror selfies in a thong, trying to get a great selfie of my butt.
I don't even have a guy to send these to, but I like to keep them on file for when I do.
It makes me feel really good to see a hot photo of my ass, and I know that makes me a loser."
— Natalie, 28
15. Eating for Two
"Sometimes, when I order enough takeout for two people, I'll pretend I'm sharing with my [imaginary] boyfriend.
When I call in the order, I'll say something like 'I'll have the prosciutto pizza, and my boyfriend would like the pesto gnocchi.'
I'm pretty sure they know it's all for me."
— Kate, 31
16. Bear Hugger
"I grab a teddy bear from my ex and spray it with his old cologne he left at my place.
Then, I hug the bear and smell it."
— Jennifer, 24
17. The Toenail Chewer
"I'll watch the creepiest, murder mystery type shows while chewing on my toenails.
— Sonya, 27
18. The Adult Teeny-Bopper
"I'm almost too embarrassed to admit the types of movies I love to watch when I'm alone.
Let's just say, I watch the type of flicks you should not have any interest in watching past the age of 15.
I'm 28 years old, and I love watching the old Olsen twin movies.
If I ever had a boyfriend, I'd have to give these types of movies up, and I'm not sure I'm ready to do that."
— Lindsay, 28