Bed Is BAE: 45 Reasons Why I'd Rather Fall Asleep Than Fall In Love
While falling in love is great, falling asleep is infinitely better. There may be people out there who disagree with me, but as you already know -- I really don't care.
Your bed can't leave you, your pillows can't cheat on you and your duvet cover won't leave you for someone younger and hotter.
Your bed is your safe haven, the place free of judgments, the place where you get to unwind after a long, sh*tty day at the office.
Any and all issues are left at your bedroom door because once you walk into your safe place, nothing else really matters -- well, except which show you're putting on Netflix.
Single women rejoice as they seek comfort in their bedrooms. As much as they think they want a partner, they know their bed is the only mate they really need.
Getting into bed involves somewhat of an effort, and at this point in time, it's the only type of extraneous effort single women are willing to make.
Some people may think this sounds a bit depressing while others think of it as heavenly. I mean, who doesn't enjoy spending time in bed?
So what do these single women have to say to prove their love-seeking counterparts wrong? Well...
1. I'd rather spoon my pizza box than fork a man.
2. I'd rather sprawl across the entire bed than make room for you.
3. I'd rather have uninterrupted dreams than have the man of my dreams.
4. I'd rather wake up to an alarm than wise up to your bullsh*t.
5. I'd rather eat my feelings than deal with yours.
6. I'd rather starfish than play dead fish.
7. I'd rather deep throat a bottle of wine than anything else.
8. I'd rather take Xanax than Plan B.
9. I'd rather pop champagne than have you pop the question.
10. I'd rather go to bed alone than have you make me feel alone.
11. I'd rather skip a shower than throw a baby shower.
12. I'd rather have pimples than have you pop them for me.
13. I'd rather do my own house maintenance than deal with you calling me high maintenance.
14. I'd rather go to happy hour than have a sad hour-long fight with you.
15. I'd rather get drunk with my friends than deal with your bottled-up feelings.
16. I'd rather have a face full of makeup than have make-up sex with you.
17. I'd rather put on high heels than worry about being taller than you.
18. I'd rather hang out than put out.
19. I'd rather cuddle in my Snuggie than cuddle with you.
20. I'd rather miss my alarm than sleep through my life.
21. I'd rather count sheep than count on you.
22. I'd rather fall into my pillow than fall head over heels.
23. I'd rather wake up happy than go to bed fighting.
24. I'd rather rest my head on something that supports me than a fickle shoulder.
25. I'd rather go to sleep at peace than wonder where you are.
26. I'd rather eat in bed alone than go to a lavish dinner with you.
27. I’d rather have pizza inside me than anything else.
28. I'd rather sleep late than worry about a late period.
29. I'd rather binge on Netflix than worry about you doing it behind my back.
30. I'd rather cry while watching “The Bachelor” than cry about what you're doing at a bachelor party.
31. I'd rather spend my life figuring out what I want than waste my time worrying about what you do.
32. I’d rather gain a little weight than wait on your call.
33. I’d rather skip the gym than work out your issues.
34. I’d rather worry about my “likes” than worry about your “love.”
35. I’d rather have a threesome with Ben and Jerry than touch you and your cold body.
36. I'd rather curl up in a ball without you than because of you.
37. I'd rather never wash my sheets than wash my hair to impress you.
38. I'd rather sing myself to sleep than hear you sing in the shower.
39. I'd rather work out to feel good about myself than to make a guy feel good about hooking up with me
40. I'd rather wake up to zero texts than to wake up to 50 interrogation texts.
41. I'd rather lick chocolate off my fingers than have your dirty mouth lick it off my stomach.
42. I'd rather go to bed alone at 9 pm than go to bed at 2 am after fighting for hours.
43. I'd rather third wheel on a date than spend one more minute on another disaster date.
44. I'd rather wake up full from eating when I was high than from stress eating after fighting with a boy.
45. I’d rather cheat on my diet than have you cheat on me.
For more of her thoughts, humor and ridiculous opinions follow Ashley Fern on Instagram and Twitter.