For as long as I can remember, I have been called a slob by every person who has entered my apartment, seen my work space or watched me eat a meal. I used to try to defend myself.
But it's time to embrace the cold, hard facts. Though I may be a complete and utter slob, it's the most organized way I know how to live.
Being a slob is organized, you ask? You don't say! Organization, if you really think about it, is a subjective matter.
Sure, you may not be able to see the floor of my bedroom. But I could tell you exactly where in that "mess" you could find my iPhone chargers.
My belongings might not have a typical arrangement. But my current layout helps me most efficiently keep track of my sh*t.
Yes, I may have to dig through a pile of clothing shoved in a corner to find my favorite t-shirt. But that corner is its home now and forever.
Honestly, the only time I can't locate something is when I've put it where it's "supposed" to go. I'm missing my jacket? Probably because I conformed to general organizational standards and hung it up in the closet.
I'm not kidding — I've spent 20 minutes looking for something, only to find it neatly placed somewhere else.
And if that's wrong, then I don't want to be right. Why? Because I thrive on my chaotic lifestyle.
I know many of you do as well. It's time to stop living in denial. It's time to embrace the sh*tstorm that we create, manage and excel in on a daily basis.
So how exactly are you thriving in this chaos?
1. I'm not distracted; I just prefer to multitask.
When you're all over the place, people tend to think you're extremely distracted.
They don't understand that you're just trying to get as many things done as possible. Instead of criticizing, they should learn from your method.
2. I'm not scatterbrained; I just have a lot of ideas.
When you suggest several options at once, it's not because you can't make a decision.
Rather, you're thinking creatively of as many scenarios as possible. Your picky friends should applaud you for giving everyone so many choices.
3. My room isn't messy; it's just organized in my way.
Others may consider your living quarters a mess. You see a perfectly organized ecosystem.
Your friends might not understand why you have a sea of electronic chargers surrounding your bed. But that doesn't mean you should feel bad about it.
4. I don't operate aesthetically; I operate efficiently.
Sure, the flowers that you put on your dresser may have died two weeks ago, but that's because you don't have the time to tend to them.
You live your life in a certain way, and you have priorities. Those flowers are at the bottom of your to-do list.
5. I'm not in denial about my mess; I just embrace life.
Others feel the need to point out the fact that you're a "messy" person — as if you didn't already know that.
You're not accidentally living this way; in fact, you're actively choosing your lifestyle.
6. I'm not neglecting my chores; I'm just busy living life.
Oh, should the dishes go in the dishwasher? Do you really have nothing better to do than criticize me over menial tasks?
I'll get to the dishes — eventually. But it's not going to take precedence over every other aspect of my life.
7. I don't want to be tired by my surroundings; I want to be inspired by my surroundings.
If you spend all of your time tidying up your area, how are you supposed to be inspired by any of it?
You've contained your life to the point that it's out of sight — and out of mind.
8. I don't waste energy on repetitive tasks; I have more important things to worry about.
If your biggest concern is making your bed in the morning, you need a hobby and a reality check.
I understand wanting to return to a clean home. But shouldn't you be more concerned with making the most out of your mornings? Maybe by exercising... or doing literally anything else.
9. I don't compartmentalize; I think outside the box.
You leave bits and pieces of yourself, well, absolutely everywhere.
10. I don't focus on material things; I know there are more important concerns in life...
...Like, hmm, absolutely everything else! People who lives their lives searching for material possessions will always be the most miserable.
And where will you be? The answer: thriving in your chaotic mess and loving every damn second of it.
11. I'm not all over the place; I'm just making my own path.
While all y'all neat freaks are following a straight path, the rest of us are diving headfirst into every opportunity that presents itself.
12. I'm not lying in filth; I'm just lying in my nest.
Some people see clutter. Others thrive in the middle of their belongings.
Which option sounds more fun and fulfilling? We know the answer.
13. I'm not a disaster; I'm just comfortable in my own skin.
As everyone damn well should be!
For more of her thoughts, humor and ridiculous opinions follow Ashley Fern on Instagram and Twitter.
