10 Irrational Thoughts Every Woman Has At The Campus Gynecologist
Many women in college dread the day they first have to step into the campus gynecologist. Whether it's for free pregnancy tests, STD testing or just a checkup, the idea of having another middle-aged woman inspecting your lady bits is a bit odd.
You don't know what to expect the first time you step into the waiting room. So many thoughts gather in your brain, and the panic kicks in as soon as the nurse yells out your name. You can't help but think that you're the only one going through these worries.
Don't worry; you're not alone. Here are the thoughts that go through every woman's head while going to the campus gynecologist:
1. Why are there boys in the waiting room? This makes me uncomfortable.
Are they here because they're patiently waiting to hear if their girlfriends really aren't pregnant, or are they here for moral support? For fun?
Whatever it is, it makes me uncomfortable. Isn't this supposed to be a safe haven for women?
I don't want these men knowing I was here. *Sigh*
2. Why did I even make an appointment? I've been waiting so long.
I do not understand why I even went out of my way to fill out the form last week if I'm going to be forced to wait this long and fill it out again.
3. How honest should I be?
“Do you drink?” Yes, I do. This is college.
“How often?” Not often at all! Just every single time I go out.
“Are you sexually active?” I answered this question on the first of 10 sheets I filled out in the waiting room. Stop slut-shaming! Just kidding, you're not slut-shaming... yet.
“How often do you use condoms?” Am I supposed to provide an exact number? Was I supposed to be keeping track this entire time? Am I doing everything wrong in life?
4. How am I supposed to pee in this tiny ass cup without peeing on my hand?
When you went before you came: I just peed before coming in, and now I have to concentrate really hard. Can I get some water? Make it a gallon, thanks.
If you've already had four bottles of water: I've already missed the cup twice. I am literally going to run out of pee if I fail again. Focus.
When you've finally got it down perfectly: How do I make my pee stop in time? This cup is way too small and I'm over the falls.
5. Should I have cleaned up down there?
When is the last time I handled the situation down there? Should I have cleaned up more before showing up?
Is it too late to run back to my dorm? Do they have disposable razors I could use real quick? I might as well trim the hedges since I'm STILL WAITING.
6. What if my vagina is the worst thing she's ever seen?
If you really think about it, so many people have been here. I'm sure this woman has seen or heard much worse, well, unless I'm the first time she's seen something like this.
OMG. What if I'm the first patient she's ever had, and she's never heard anything or seen anything like this? I'm f*cked.
7. How does someone decide on this career?
Does one just decide on this? How is one passionate about this?
Is it to genuinely help someone, or is it for money? Do you really care about my vagina?
I really don't know, but maybe this doctor had her life figured out by the time she was my age. That alone makes her better than me.
Ugh, yet another reminder that I still don't have my sh*t together. Thank you, Vagina Starer.
8. Men are so lucky.
They don't have to go through any of this! They have no periods and no childbirth, and they also don't breastfeed.
I wonder if breastfeeding is painful. OK, I'm getting sidetracked. Focus.
9. On second thought, I'm pretty lucky, too.
I have access to great gynecologists, and it's completely free thanks to my university. I am very lucky indeed.
Women have access to doctors and technology designed specifically for our health needs, and they can help prevent and treat many things that weren't treatable in the past. Being honest about your sex life can really help you in the long run, and I'm glad that we get free help at the campus gynecologist.
10. I wonder what my gyno is thinking right now.
Is my doctor judging me as heavily as I fear she is? Does she get nervous before a patient comes in?
Do people act weirdly around her all the time because of what she's inspecting? I wonder if she ever feels like a patient won't like her.
Regardless of all the overwhelming thoughts and anxiety that run through our heads while we're at the gyno, I am so grateful that campuses all around the nation offer gynecologists to young women who really need assistance in prioritizing their sexual health. Fully covered reproductive and sexual healthcare is of vital importance to every single woman on this planet.
It's time people cut the sh*t and leave the worrying about our bodies to the ladies controlling said bodies. Just let me exercise my right to be paranoid and irrational AF, OK?