Let's be real here for a second: The best part about going out is coming home sh*tfaced and eating whatever the hell you can get your hands on. I mean, isn't that the entire point of going out on the weekends, anyway?
To throw caution to the wind, ignore your diet and indulge in some late-night mac and cheese?
No? Is this wrong? Well, if it is, then I don't want to be right because what other time would it be appropriate to have a three-course meal at 3 am? Sure, some other girls would rather take home a penis than a pizza... but you, along with the majority of females, just don't fit into that category.
The way a girl acts when she is drunk is vastly different than when she is sober -- I mean, obviously -- so what do her alter-ego's eating habits say about her?
If you scarf down anything and everything in your fridge
You are impulsive and don't give a sh*t about what's going to satisfy your cravings. You want food and you want it now. You don't care if it's cold, if it's supposed to be hot or if it's an item in your fridge that expired over a week ago -- you. are. eating. it.
Sadly, you know no boundaries and have found yourself eating your roommates' food in addition to your own.
If pizza is your go-to choice
You purposely skipped dinner because you knew exactly how your night was going to end: with pizza. Is there any better nightcap than a $1 slice of pizza? No, seriously, is there? I'd love to know.
You know exactly what it is that you want and have no shame in indulging in this sacred ritual on a weekly basis. Plus, if you eat the pizza and destroy the evidence, did it ever really happen?
If you sleep through your delivery order
Welcome to the club; I am the president, and it's nice to have you. You may think you are the only one suffering from this problem, but believe me, you are not. The worst part about this predicament is that the restaurant will still charge you despite the fact that you never received your food order.
You may think to yourself, why wouldn't the deliveryman just leave it on the door and go about his business? It's payback for the fact that you slept through 16 unanswered phone calls, three unrequited voicemails and a constant flow of door banging.
So, what does this say about you as a person? You don't know your own limits. Guilty.
If you eat fruit or any other type of weird healthy sh*t
You have incredible self-control and a little bit of anal retentiveness. Anyone who is able to uphold a diet while extremely intoxicated should probably receive a medal... along with a trip to a shrink's office.
You already drank your body weight in calories, so why stop there? A little pizza never hurt anybody...
If you have no shame drinking ketchup and eating condiments
You are one sick and twisted individual because you don't even waste time f*cking with utensils. Even though you don't have any solid food lying around, that doesn't stop you from rummaging through your drawers, searching for last night's leftover delivery soy sauce.
Plus, ketchup is made from tomatoes, so that basically makes it a legitimate snack, right? RIGHT? Right.
If whatever you order for delivery resembles a Thanksgiving feast
First order: Mac and cheese
Second order: A pizza pie
Third order: A crêpe and/or cheesecake
Well, someone's been taking her diet a little too seriously and really needed to let loose, huh? In the moment, you probably feel great and satisfied, but that feeling will be short-lived by the time you wake up feeling nauseated and you need to rush to the bathroom to throw up.
If you find yourself eating things you don't even actually like
Who you are when you are drunk is completely different than the person you are when you are sober, so it only makes sense that your food choices differ, too. You may have not eaten french fries from Burger King since 2002, but your drunk alter ego indulges in them on the regular.
So, what does this say about you as a person? I'm going to go with "confused" because, honestly, I find myself in this situation far too often.
If you have no qualms about melting cheese sticks on pretzels
You are a drunk, creative and innovative soul. You've realized that since you like these different foods separately, you'll probably love them together. I mean, this is essentially the same thing as nachos, just a little twist...
Whatever, anything tastes good when you're hammered, so why not?
If you've found yourself crawling into McDonald's for a breakfast sandwich
You are a party person with a bad habit of staying out until the sun rises. I mean, how else are you expected to take McDonald's up on its breakfast menu?
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