To the horror of fashionably-challenged men everywhere, there’s a new trend this summer that’s sure to promise countless camel toes and many, many debates. Enter: high-waisted shorts.
Formerly exclusive to the 90s era, high-waisted shorts are now making a huge comebackside -- even popping up in unexpected places like music festivals and middle-America corn fields. These are the bottoms of the season and they’re not going anywhere (except, um, up your ass occasionally…).
Mere plebeians attest that high-waisted shorts are unattractive or man-repellery, to which we pose: Have you ever seen an uncensored hip-hop video?
All the bootylicious girls are running around in their high-waist cutoffs -- and they look dayum good. We are just getting around to an idea that rappers have known for years: High-waisted shorts are women’s hottest non-pants-pants since neon sorority biker shorts went out two years ago.
Though, women have their own everyday struggles with the fashion trend.
We don't need boys who don’t know how to appreciate women’s bodies arguing that high-waisted shorts “make great asses disappear,” you know the real reasons you hover indecisively at your closet. So pay no attention to the men, your internal struggle is the only debate we care about.
High-waisted shorts are so much more than Kelly Kapowski’s adult diaper. Of course, they're not all rainbows, butterflies and beautiful booties -- so we present to you, every woman's struggle with her love to hate and hate to love high-waisted shorts.
1. Love: They Are Really Comfortable
Hate: They Cause Camel Toes
Sitting down in high-waisted shorts is a specific kind of challenge. A lot of the time, these shorts happen to be extraordinarily comfortable... but every single girl has that one pair that can ruin a day -- and that's enough to leave us extremely cautious about wearing them.
2. Love: You can wear them and still eat pizza
Hate: You can wear them and still eat pizza
High-waisted shorts suck you in where you need it most -- your stomach. For this reason, you can eat your heart out and still look like you took a 30-minute Ass & Abs class that morning.
These shorts are great at hiding that extra slice from the night before... which, in turn, might make you think it's OK to swallow the whole pie. Though, realistically, eating pizza is always a win.
3. Love: They keep unwanted men at bay
Hate: They keep wanted men at bay
Despite clearly highlighting your labia, some men don’t want to go near you with these on.
4. Love: You can wear a crop top and not look like a ho
Hate: You can wear a crop top and look like almost everyone else
As long as your belly-button is covered, you can dress like you’re going to a pool party and no one will think you’re too dressed down.
It’s a shady-ho outfit because you’re wearing very minimal clothing, but technically dressed trendy, not slutty. You might look like everyone else, as a downside, but who cares when you're looking this good?
5. Love: If you jump out a window, they act as a parachute
Hate: You're really susceptible to big gusts of wind
We haven’t actually tested this theory yet, but we hear it’s even more effective than using these shorts as adult diapers. And when you're not blowing away, you're blowing people's minds with how ridiculously, ridiculously good-looking you are.
Verdict: Still Out
6. Love: They pick your ass up
Hate: What goes up... must come down
High-waisted shorts are like bras for our bottoms. They give us an instant booty lift, kind of like an escalator for your tush, if you will. Who doesn’t want an extra boost from behind? High-waisted shorts have seriously got our backs. Though we can't speak for what they do when they come off... but you can worry about that later.
Verdict: Love... then hate
7. Love: They define your waistline
Hate: You have to throw out your terrible cinch belts
Remember when belts that cinch your waist over your dress were like, a thing? Those were fugly and a poor solution to the “I want to show off my booty without being tight all over” problem.
High-waisted shorts, however, are perfect for flaunting your curves, keeping everything in place and concealing your areas of insecurity. When it comes to tossing your cinch belts... you ain't even mad.
8. Love: You can have thick thighs and not be cut-off by your shorts
Hate: How amazing you'll look in them...
Yeah, no contest here. The only thing that’s cut-off are your frayed hems. High-waisted shorts are so perfectly designed that they let even the thickest of thighs move easily. And they make your legs look super long. No complaints at all.
Verdict: Love, Love and Love some more
Verdict: We have a champion -- LOVE.
Any which way you look at it, high-waisted shorts are a win for all of humanity.