Some people believe laziness is the worst quality in the world, but to others (mostly those who are, in fact, lazy), it is the way to be most efficient while exerting minimal effort. To those people, I say hello, I am one of you and I wouldn't have it any other way.
It physically pains you to make any extra effort in most situations and you are no stranger to people thinking you have chronic fatigue on the reg.
Despite the fact that you are extremely lazy, you always seem to be exhausted. HOW? Well that's just one of life's glorious mysteries, isn't it?
This is a lifestyle that not all can grasp, but today I am here to tell you, you are not alone. Here are the problems that only the lazy will understand:
1. You wait the 15 seconds in between Netflix episodes
You are too lazy to even lift your finger to switch to the next episode. Chances are you are more than likely lying in bed, so you just take a brief 15-second power nap while the next episode loads. Lazy? Nah, I would call that brilliant.
2. You rationalize that your towels are always clean because you use them after showering
Why would you ever need to wash your towels if the only time you use them is when you are clean? Sure you may have been sweaty and gross when you got in the shower, but you weren't that way when you finished.
Besides the towels you use to wash your face, are body towels ever really dirty?
3. You put your soup in a mug so you can drink it
Do you know how many times you have to dip your spoon into a soup bowl before you finish it? Probably the same amount of time it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop -- ain't nobody got time for that. Soup is a hot liquid, just put it in a coffee mug and drink away.
4. You refuse to call for delivery, you only order online
You're definitely too lazy to deal with an actual person on the other line, so the only way you get delivery is through Seamless. If ordering online isn't an option, looks like you will be ordering from elsewhere.
5. You definitely don't shave in the winter
Why would you ever shave your legs in the winter if you are the only one who will know how hairy they actually are?
Of course, there are certain occasions in which shaving your legs would be beneficial, but until these arise, you can bet your ass that hair will be growing out.
6. Your floor doubles as your closet
You get undressed at the end of the day and simply toss your outfit onto the floor. You don't bother hanging anything back up even though it would take 2.5 seconds because you're just messy, not dirty and honestly you can just get to it later.
7. You have, on more than one occasion, slept in your clothes for the next day
Maybe you did this on purpose or maybe you did it unintentionally, regardless, there are two kinds of people in this world: people who say they have done this and liars.
8. You can't remember the last time you washed your sheets
If you are the only person sleeping in your bed, why is it necessary to wash your sheets? Wow, now that I'm saying this out loud it does sound pretty gross.
9. You use the same plastic water bottle all week long
Why would you go and buy another water bottle when you already have one? Sure, you may have been filling it up with tap water for the past three days, but hey, at least you're making your immune system stronger... right?
10. If you do go to the gym, you drive or take a taxi/subway there
I take the subway to the gym all the time regardless of the fact that walking there would take the same exact time. There's no way I'm the only person who does this, there is just no way.
11. You own a lifetime supply of dry shampoo
No hair washing, no problem -- isn't that the motto for dry shampoo? Why would you wash your hair when this miraculous invention was created?
12. You have mastered the art of rationalization
A lazy person's greatest skill is that of rationalization. Lazy people can convince themselves that not washing their sheets or towels is perfectly acceptable amongst a ton of other things (see basically this entire list).
13. You spray a ton of perfume instead of taking a shower because seriously who is even going to know?
You may smell like the perfume section of a department store, but alas you had evaded another shower, and any day that happens is a great day by your standards.
14. You wear the same black leggings all week because they all look the same
The best part is that nobody has any idea. They just assume you, like any other normal person, would switch their pants up on a daily basis. Jokes on them because it's the third day in a row and you totally plan on wearing them again tomorrow.
15. Everything you could possibly need is within reach from your horizontal position in bed
You strategically set up your room so that your night table or dresser is within arm's reach -- and voilà! Whatever you were looking for has been found! Say goodbye to the need to physically get up.
16. You offer to pay your friends to bring you food when you're hungover... or sober... and are completely serious
You constantly try to bribe your friends to come over with food by offering them money and weed in return. Sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't, but regardless you keep on trying.
17. Instead of going food shopping, you order Seamless for all three meals in one day and feel no shame about it
It's not like you can cook anyway, so unless you want to starve, ordering food is the way to go. Seamless is a life saver to lazy people everywhere.
18. You go to a hair salon to get your hair blown out while you down the complimentary champagne and justify it as your "pregame"
Killing two birds with one stone? And when your hair looks damn good, no one questions if you showered, they just assume you did. #Winning.
19. You wear gym clothes all day because you think it will motivate you, yet it never does
You actually just wear yoga pants to look like you work out, but the only exercise you are doing, in reality, is walking across the street to CVS to pick up snacks.
20. Sunday is your favorite day
No one can make you feel bad about indulging in a lazy Sunday, I mean isn't that what they were invented for?
21. You drive the extra 10 minutes for a Starbucks drive-thru so you don't have to leave the car
This is the ultimate form of laziness. You did muster up enough strength to get in the car, but honestly you don't even feel like leaving it -- and luckily, you don't have to if you drive those extra few miles.
22. You sleep on top of your covers to avoid making your bed
You make your bed once per week and see how long it can last. You sleep on top of the comforter and use a throw blanket to keep you warm. Chances are this will last for four days max until you actually have to readjust your bedding.
23. You opt for a bath instead of a shower because you don't want to stand up
It's basically like taking a nap, except you get clean in the process. Don't think about how its seems like you are just simply lying in your own filth. You made it and you are clean -- at least that's what you keep telling yourself.
24. You text your roommate from the other room so you don't have to get up
Technology has made every little thing so simple; so why would you ever get up to go in your roommate's bedroom when you can just text her? Chances are she doesn't want to get up either, so you both win in this situation.
25. You have no problem using your shirt as a napkin
The reason you wear all black is that your food perfectly blends into it when it spills and when you wipe your mouth on it. Don't try and claim otherwise, I know what you use your sleeves for.
26. You don't understand the point of making your bed
This goes hand-in-hand with #22. I mean, you're just going to get back in it at the end of the day. What would be the point in making it if you are the only one who is even going to see it? Exactly.
27. You iron your clothes with a hair straightener
You're too lazy to drop your clothing off at the cleaners because that means you have to go back to pick it up and pay for it. You have to straighten your hair anyway so why not iron your shirts as well? It's basically the same thing right?
28. You voluntarily suffer uncontrollably when you have to pee because you are too lazy to get out of bed
You finally found the most comfortable sleeping position and you can't risk it or you will basically forfeit another night of sleep. You try your hardest to hold it in and eventually fall asleep.
You soon realize your terrible mistake when you wake up at the crack of dawn and must run to the bathroom.
29. You see no problem with Venmo-ing your friend the money you owe her instead of physically opening your bag to dig out your wallet
Yes, really. That is just a movement you can't deal with making right now and isn't that why Venmo was created?