The Best Voltaire Quotes That Perfectly Describe Our Everyday Lives

by Elite Daily Staff

Happy Birthday to François-Marie Arouet (or Voltaire, to you)! The French Enlightenment writer, historian and philosopher would have been 319 years old, and yet his famous sayings are still applicable to the world we live in today.

Like the very witty Oscar Wilde, Voltaire was an exceptionally versatile writer with a lot to say.

What are you waiting for? Enlighten yourselves with Mr. Enlightenment himself!

What Dorothy thought in Oz when she saw the winged monkeys coming for her

“I have only ever made one prayer to God, a very short one: ‘O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.’ And God granted it.”

Why you need to turn down your boyfriend’s request for a threesome

“It is better to risk sparing a guilty person than to condemn an innocent one.”

Why Justin Bieber will be spared

“The composition of a tragedy requires testicles.”

Why you accidentally brought home the fat chick

“Illusion is the first of all pleasures.”

On coming to the realization that women poop

“There are truths which are not for all men, nor for all times.”

Why “The Hunger Games” was made into a movie

“The multitude of books is making us ignorant.”

Kim and Kanye’s justification for North West’s baby name

“Love truth, but pardon error.”

Why J.Law should not have cut her hair

“Common sense is not so common.”

What everyone but Tim Tebow has embraced

“It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.”

The moment you discover the pregnancy test is positive

“Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd.”

Why we need to stop interviewing Farrah Abraham

“Judge of a man by his questions rather than by his answers.”

The difference between Obama and George W. Bush

“Governments need to have both shepherds and butchers.”

Why we can’t stop watching Carrie in "Homeland"

“It is dangerous to be right in matters where established men are wrong.”

Why first dates end so badly

“The secret of being a bore is to tell everything.”

All-Knowing, Omnipresent Facebook

“If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him.”

What eternally single people tell themselves

“Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.”


“Regimen is superior to medicine.”

Pretty much why Miley Cyrus is still allowed to be on stage

“I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.”

Drake’s entire career

“Anything too stupid to be said is sung.”

Paula Deen’s demise

“There are some that only employ words for the purpose of disguising their thoughts.”

What you need to tell your FLID friend who needs to slow his roll

“This agglomeration which was called and which still calls itself the Holy Roman Empire was neither holy, nor Roman, nor an empire.”

Your justification for borrowing your roommate’s clothes

“Appreciation is a wonderful thing: It makes what is excellent in others belong to us as well.”

For all those times we were faking it

“Every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do.”

What Whitney Houston never figured out

“Use, do not abuse; neither abstinence nor excess ever renders man happy.”

Started from the bottom, now we here

“Each player must accept the cards life deals him. But once they are in hand, he alone must decide how to play the cards in order to win the game.”

When you’re too lazy to take your dog for a walk

“Indolence is sweet, and its consequences bitter.”

Deciding which excuse is better in order to avoid having sex

“There is a wide difference between speaking to deceive, and being silent to be impenetrable.”

Why you shouldn’t believe anything you read in this post

“A witty saying proves nothing.”