One of my greatest flaws -- and one of my greatest strengths -- is my inability to forgive people. In my opinion, if someone f*cks you over, they WILL do it again.
I’ve said it once, and I will say it a thousand times: Screw me over once, shame on you. Screw me over twice, shame on me.
So why bother? Why waste your time and energy on people who have proven they're capable of hurting you?
It’s a double-edged sword.
The problem with being unforgiving is that you often find yourself watching the sunset alone.
At the end of the day, you're the only one standing. Everyone seems to have screwed up in one way or another, leaving you to your own devices. No one seems to measure up.
The plight of the unforgiving woman is bittersweet. You're constantly let down by humanity, as other people lack the ability to reach the impossibly high bar you've set for those around you.
If people around you f*ck up, there's little chance of reconciliation.
Even if they do manage to win you over, you’ll never forget the betrayal. It will loom in the back of your mind like a creeping shadow.
While being unforgiving can help you protect yourself and be wary of others, it will also inevitably weigh you down and plague you with a heavy heart.
Here are the 9 main struggles of being an unforgiving woman:
1. If people f*ck up, you can’t get over it.
When people f*ck up, they've given you the ultimate insult. For you to forgive someone, it takes a lot more than a simple “I’m sorry.”
You need big gestures in order to start forgiving. If someone f*cks you over, they better expect to try to win you back with every ounce of energy they have.
If they can’t make that happen, they hardly seem worth your time. The apathy runs hot and thick.
2. You expect too much from the people in your life.
You often end up being let down because your expectations for your friends are too high.
You're in a constant pissed-off state because no one else has their sh*t together. If you can do something for a friend, why can’t she do the same for you?
3. You’ve been through sh*t that made you this way.
You’ve been screwed over one too many times to have the patience to deal with people’s sh*t. It’s hard to step outside of your own experience because you’ve been let down so many times.
Your shell is a culmination of bad memories of sh*tty people doing terrible things.
Life has made you pessimistic, but it has also given you zero tolerance for bullsh*t. Like every quality, this is a good and bad thing.
4. You love too hard, and you shun too hard.
You're loyal -- to a fault -- in love. But when someone f*cks with you, you have no problem cutting ties immediately.
Your friendships and relationships tend to live in extremes: Stay on your good side and be a good f*cking friend, or you can GTFO. There is no in-between room for negotiations.
5. You bring past baggage from relationships into your current ones.
It’s hard not to bring your past hurt into current relationships. You enter every new relationship with more than a fair dose of suspicion.
You sabotage new connections before they even have a chance to grow to fruition.
You can't open up because you're too afraid of getting hurt. You have straight-up trust issues because you know that very few people deserve trust.
6. You don’t forget things.
You have an amazing memory. While this can serve you in many aspects of your life, having an amplified memory means never forgetting what has happened ... which means that you recall every time your friends screwed up.
It’s hard not to remember these details when you’re working on building or repairing a relationship.
It’s difficult not to bring them up in a fight. Even if you do forgive, you can still never forget.
7. You don’t know how to say that you’re sorry.
Accompanying an unforgiving nature is a relentless stubbornness. One of the most difficult things about being unforgiving is that you tend to think you’re always right.
It’s very hard to own up to being wrong when you’re used to demanding the apology from other people. A real friend will stand up to you.
This may offend you at first. But if you’re wrong, you’ll admit it. After all, how can you be so stingy with forgiveness if you’re going to screw up yourself without apology?
You know you’re not a perfect friend or lover, but you expect everyone else to be.
8. You expect the worst in people.
You always think that the people around you have bad intentions. This can be very damaging to your relationships, as it’s so incredibly hard for you to be vulnerable.
You lose friends easily, and your guardedness hurts your efforts to make new ones.
9. People tiptoe around you.
People aren't honest with you because they assume you'd never forgive them. It’s a Catch-22.
If they do something sh*tty, they avoid telling you. But if they don’t tell you and you find about it somehow, you definitely won’t forgive them for lying to you.
Side note: As I’m writing this, I'm wondering how I have any friends. It’s a small comfort to know I’m at least aware of my behavior.