Fool Me Once, Shame On You: Why I Will Never Give You A Second Chance

by Gigi Engle

Mama always told me, “The first time people show you who they are, believe them.”

What she meant by this worldly advice was that when someone does you dirty, when someone betrays you, you must understand what evil that person is capable of and how that capability reflects on his or her character.

The old adage is, “Forgive and forget.” But I have to wonder why you should have to forgive and forget. Why should you feel the need to keep someone in your life who f*cked you over?

There are venomous people on this earth. Most people are out for themselves, they play to their own agenda. Having these people in your life will only be detrimental to you.

It’s like Hillary Clinton said, “You can’t keep snakes in your backyard and expect them to only bite your neighbors.” Eventually, those snakes are going to bite you, poison you and destroy you.

With me, you have one chance to come at me straight. I'm a trusting person and I believe the things you tell me are the truth and you have my best interests at heart. But there's another thing you should know about me: I do not give second chances.

If you mess up with me, we are done.

I’m not talking about ditching out on dinner plans or neglecting to return my phone calls one week — that’s just life and we are all guilty of being negligent in the friendship department from time to time.

What I’m talking about is the real sh*t: backstabbing, lying, cheating -- the major types of betrayal that only someone who has a mean, dark streak could do to someone he or she claims to care about. My trust is nearly impossible to earn back. Once lost, it is essentially lost forever.

If you betray me, we are done.

Nothing dramatic, no epic fight, no screaming, no crying. You're just not going to be in my life anymore and that's the end of it. Plain and simple.

It’s been a rough commute from adolescence, through college and into adult life. I’ve lost a lot of friends; I’ve had to say goodbye to people I thought would be in my life forever, people I thought I could trust beyond the shadow of a doubt.

It’s honestly a personal tragedy when I realize I have to leave someone behind.

I so desperately want to hold on, to undo what’s been done, to stop this person from breaking my heart. But then again, if it hadn't happened now, it would certainly happen another time because that friend is not a friend, that boyfriend is not a boyfriend — that person is selfish and never loved me like I thought he or she did. That's been made abundantly clear.

I still think about those friends from time to time. Sometimes I regret losing them. But I always say to myself, “Are these people I want in my life? People who could lie, cheat and damage me?”

I remind myself I didn’t lose anything. I remind myself the biggest loss was for them -- the fallen friends or lovers -- they lost me because they didn’t respect the bonds of friendship or love.

I may miss their company periodically; I may see something on the street I know they would find hilarious and detect a pang in my heart, aware of the empty space they used to fill.

But that momentary pain is worth it because these people aren’t in my life anymore and that was decision I had to make; it was self-preservation. They're only going to do it again, after all.

Real talk: I'm not going to give you a second chance. And I never, ever will.

Because if you f*ck up again, it’s my fault, not yours.

F*ck me over once, shame on you. F*ck me over twice? Shame on me. The first time a person stabs you in the back, you couldn’t have seen it coming... the second time leaves you no excuse. If you forgive someone for a harsh deception, you’re only inviting that person to do it again.

I won’t allow that in my life. I won’t be made a fool of because you’re a piece of sh*t. I can live with the burning sting that comes with being lied to or cheated on, but I cannot live with those same wounds being reopened because I decided to forgive you.

Because I know what you’re capable of.

You’ve proven you're capable of doing really terrible things to someone you supposedly care about; you’ve proven you're capable of doing some seriously f*cked up sh*t to the people closest to you. I won’t stand for that type lethal toxicity.

I won’t have someone in my life who could even fathom destroying my trust. Once I know you could -- and you would -- our relationship is toast.

Because when you break someone’s heart, it never really heals.

A broken heart can be mended. With time (and tears), eventually, the pieces can be welded back together and the cracks will begin to fade. But that heart will never be whole again, not completely.

It will always have scars left behind by the wrong it was dealt. If you cause my heartbreak, if you are a person who adds to those scars... I will never give you another opportunity to do so again.

Because you’re not worth it.

If you break my trust, you were never worthy of that trust in the first place. Honestly, it’s really not that f*cking hard to be a good friend. If you act like a dirtbag, you’re not worth the time. You are not worth forgiving.

Our friendship or relationship is not worth putting effort into anymore. I want to fill my life with people I love and people who care about me enough to treat me with the respect I deserve. You are not f*cking worth it.

Because there's no point in forgiving when I won't forget.

Like most women, I have an excellent memory. A woman doesn’t forget things -- especially when those things involve being slandered or double-crossed. They say forgive and forget. F*ck that. I’m never going to forget what you did and, therefore, I'm not going to forgive you.

I’m not going to waste my precious time trying to push your atrocious behavior into the back of my mind so we can go on with our relationship.

I’m not going to give you a second chance. Don’t let the door smack you in the ass on the way out.