In kindergarten at a fancy private school, I received a compliment that would forever stay with me.
“Laura, you can no longer wear your hair down in the classroom. It’s a distraction to your classmates,” said Mrs. Halleron, my head teacher.
At just 5 years old, I already had a mane of coiled hair that was as supreme as Diana Ross’. Apparently it was too big for this world of primly dolls in barrettes whose hair textures weren’t detrimental to the learning of the other children.
As a total narcissist from a young age, if my hair was the focus of the classroom, I’d want to keep it that way. But this was bigger than me. This was for fro-y toddlers everywhere who don’t yet have the coordination or years of expertise to care for their own kinks. It wasn’t our faults we didn’t have access to a Johnson & Johnson curls product line.
We wouldn’t be humiliated into pulling our hair back into pom-pom ponytails just because some kids couldn’t stop touching our bushes during storytime.
“Can’t I just sit in the back?”
It wasn’t much (and I now believe this compromise was a direct cause of my blackboard blindness), but it was a small victory for cute "Annie"-style fro kids everywhere. The sun will indeed come out tomorrow (and we know how that low-humidity weather excites us curly-haired ladies).
I was allowed to continue wearing my hair down, provided I did not obstruct the views of the other children.
Though, in retrospect, after looking at past school photos of my mother’s attempts to tame my Big Bird mane, maybe Mrs. Halleron was on my side…
Girls with seriously curly hair have a mutual respect for one another. I’m not talking about the kind of curl that looks like a Victoria's Secret model wave. Those blessed hair Athenas know they don’t belong in the same category as the rest of us free-frizz-balling lasses. I’m referring to authentic, I-once-tried-relaxing-it-with-chemicals-in-the-90s, curly-haired ladies.
When we see a fellow corkscrew, we have an understanding that comes from years of accepting that our hair can never look like Gisele’s without a ton of effort. We harbor a special deference stemming from a shared experience in which we both got high off unapproved FDA keratin. And that is a gateway drug no straight-haired girls were ever exposed to (those naive, flat-haired beauty queens…)
You’ll know a beautifully curly-haired girl when you see her proudly bouncing along with her curls. She’s got a head full of twists and a certain spunk about her. You literally get lost in these girls’ locks, so here's to hoping you find the key.
Here’s why you should date a curly-haired girl:
1. She turns up the volume
Curly-haired girls aren’t afraid to stand out or spiral out of control. They’ve got a wild side to spice up any routine, and they know how to live big. Curly girls are used to pumping it up a notch, being bold and letting their hair down. We kind of got a big head about it.
2. She won’t cut it short
Just like in the bedroom, a curly-haired chick knows better than to cut her hair off. She also won’t bang out lest she becomes attached and then it requires too much upkeep. That’s why coiled girls got it going on -- they know just how long it takes to keep it looking good.
3. Rainy days are a cinch
If it’s super gross outside, she’ll have no qualms keeping dry and opting to cuddle with her partner, instead. Hello, have you seen Susie Carmichael by the pool?
Alternatively, if you two prefer to brave the storm, she won’t care that the rain ruins her style since she didn’t have much of one to begin with.
4. She’s not afraid to try new things
Chances are a wavy girl is pretty adventurous, especially after testing dozens of gels and mousses and products on her locks. Her experiences have made her extremely knowledgeable (even if it is on the subject of hair care), and she’s always willing to give something a first shot at winning her over. If you’re lucky enough, she’ll swear by your skills until you go out of style.
5. The girl can twirl
Sometimes you just gotta make like Florence + the Machine's and “Shake it Out.” A curly-haired girl will be right there with you.
6. She gives great head
Come on, we’re not above this joke -- mainly because it’s true. A curly-haired lady can do all sorts of things with her head. She can rock all kinds of styles and constantly surprise you. This girl is all about changing it up, keeping it playful and embracing versatility.
7. She can’t be replicated
From looking like Beyoncé, to a member of the Continental Congress, no curly-haired girl is the same. They’ve got different textures, cuts, curl velocity and bounce and are proud of their unique spirals. Underneath every blow-dryer is a special set of screws.
8. She can roll with the punches
Whether it’s owning a bad hair day or taking her aggression out on an elastic, a curly-haired girl can take anything in stride. She’s also capable of overcoming any obstacle -- like when her big hair gets in the way of hugging people.
9. She plans ahead
A curly-haired girl does not leave her styling up to chance; she’s got the whole week of hairdos planned. You’ll never hear her suggest spontaneously jumping into the pool or having a romantic shower after sex (unless she can leave to spray her hair real quick afterwards). When it comes to sticking to plans, though, and getting shizz done, she’s your girl.
10. Nature is her nurture
A curly-haired girl is au naturel and has the confidence to totally rock it. Her dedication to her locks has primed her to be in it for the long haul. Don’t try and stop her because there’s no way she’s reining it in for anyone.
Photo via We Heart It