23 Things That Only People Who Wear Glasses Will Understand
Not to sound like a Sarah McLaughlin PSA, but living every day under compromised visual circumstances is a daily struggle. We’ll never know the feeling of peacefully falling asleep to the television without having to lean over and set down our glasses.
We’ll never be able to fly fighter planes in the military. And we will forever walk around with the small fear that an emergency fire will happen and we won’t be able to find our glasses.
Why is it we don’t collect disability for our disability? Hmm, we might be on to something…
Here are the many problems we bespectacled folk encounter on the regular:
1. Not being able to see in the middle of the night
Those markings on the wall aren’t from bumping parties; they’re from using it as a crutch in the dark as you make your way to the bathroom. Ditto for turning off the alarm clock in the morning.
2. Wondering when the day will come when you are fully blind
At the rate you’re losing your eyesight, you are seriously questioning your body’s ability to hold out. Sometimes, if you rub your eyes just a little too long, you really freak yourself out with the thought that you have spontaneously gone blind.
3. Finding the right frame for your face
Deciding on the winning pair is harder than choosing what to wear on date night. Because it’s pretty much for the rest of your life (or at least until you can afford to buy a new pair).
I once splurged for special oversized frames from American Apparel only to realize that I completely missed the mark. I walked around looking like Selena’s movie dad for the better part of 2012.
Which brings me to...
4. Looking extremely embarrassing in old photos of yourself
I wonder if we’ll eventually feel the same way about thick-rimmed glasses as we do about the 90s wire frames.
5. Being stereotyped as a nerd or librarian
It definitely makes costume shopping for Halloween easier, though.
6. Visiting the eye doctor and leaving visually compromised
Those special light-sensitivity drops are a real killer. You might as well stay indoors for the rest of your life.
7. Impromptu sleepovers are not an option
Do they have solution? Do you require sight in the morning? What are your feelings on sleeping in contacts and waking with dry eyes?
8. Wrinkles from squinting
These aren’t imagined. A lifetime of wrinkling our noses and squinting our eyes is giving us premature crow’s feet.
9. Spending a ton of money on eye care
Seriously, who can actually afford optical insurance?
10. Remembering to bring your eyes everywhere
To the movies. To the concert. Overnight trips. Things get especially tricky when spare pairs get involved.
11. Keeping up with eyewear trends
I don’t care what anyone says, my old-school Hush Puppies will always be in style. You know what I’m talking about.
12. One word: rain
Who knew phalanges double as windshield wipers?
13. Making out is a challenge
Highly awkward and not unlike kissing with braces. Hey! You’ve got something on your face!
14. Nowhere to put them down
Options include: stretching out the neck of your t-shirt, lame lanyard around your head like a paranoid tourist or on top of your head like sunglasses. No where is as convenient as the actual case.
15. “You’re so blind.” “Can I try them on?”
We don’t ask you what it’s like to wake up every morning and just be able to see the pillow in front of you. It’s called life, people.
16. Breaking them.
Just. Don’t. Do. It.
We’ll never really know what underwater is truly supposed to look like.
18. Asking for help to read the menu
This is more like, “Your mom’s glasses problems.”
19. Eyeglass tans
Yes, they are real and they affect 99 percent of all perennial glass-wearers. Thanks to our nifty eyeglass tans, it looks like we’re wearing our specs when they’re not even on our face.
Unless you’re a dork who dons the tinted kind, you own about seven different pairs of prescription sunglasses and never have the ones you want to wear on you.
21. Always dirty
Who actually saved that rag to properly wipe them with? We lost that dust buster ages ago.
22. Sore nose and ears
Those indentations complement your face nicely.
23. Saving up for LASIK
Yeah, right. By that time, you’ll already have lost eyesight completely.
Photo via We Heart It