Disclaimer: Before we get to the letter, I'm just going to preface this by saying this isn't directed at a specific person. This is satirical.
It's more of a general idea targeted at that girl. You know that girl, the girl who won't shut up, bragging about how great her boyfriend is and how he is the best person ever. Well I got news for you -- he's not and it's all in your head.
Sure, this may sound cynical and it might be the reason a reader once called me an insufferable c*nt, but guess what? I don't really care, so Joey G if you're reading this -- keep your opinion to yourself.
Dear Girl Who Thinks She Has The Best Boyfriend Ever,
Let me just start with this: You do not. You're just living in a fantasy world, holding on to unrealistic Disney princess expectations when, in reality, IT'S ALL A FARCE. Now that we have that established, I'm going to explain to you why what you believe is simply an illusion.
You don't know any better:
You don't -- you're 20-something years old and think you have the world figured out, but the truth is you've been an adult for a total of what? Five minutes? The only thing you are an "expert" about are your immediate surroundings.
You haven't really lived yet, you haven't explored outside your boundaries and you aren't even fully aware of your own full potential. You haven't met all the people you need to meet in life in order to determine that you have "the best boyfriend ever."
The fact that he spends ALL his time with you is a BAD thing:
Do you really think it's healthy to spend ALL of your time with your significant other? If you answered yes to that question, well you're in for a reality check. You need BALANCE in your life.
Your boyfriend isn't developing as an individual if the only time he spends is at your side. He needs his space and so do you, you have to invest in yourself before you can invest in someone else.
You don't fully love yourself yet:
Being in a relationship doesn't teach you how to be a good girlfriend, being single does. Think about it: You spend all of your precious and valuable time with yourself.
You learn what you want and what you don't want, what behaviors are acceptable and which are not -- you figure out what works for you and what doesn't. This is how you will know if you have the best boyfriend ever -- if he aligns with all the criteria you developed for yourself. You can grow together, but you must first be able to grow on your own.
You equate gifts with love:
Sure, you may think you have a great boyfriend because he showers you with flowers, but I hate to break it to you, you can buy flowers on any street corner -- even CVS sells flowers.
Also if your boyfriend is buying you too many gifts, chances are he is trying to distract you from something and, more often than not, this actually works.
You don't really know how to be on your own:
You think your boyfriend is the most amazing human being because you depend on him. Guess what? You are the most reliable person in your own life, you just need to realize it. Your boyfriend is temporary stability -- if that.
You need to learn to be on your own so you can be emotionally and mentally prepared for an actual relationship; you can't learn these things while being in one.
I'm sorry if this letter came off harsh, but that's usually how the truth works.
Hate to break it to you,