Sushi is the best thing in the entire world. It's a fact; sorry. Well, besides alcohol. Wait, you can go to a sushi place with bottomless sake. I take back statement two.
Girls love sushi -- another indisputable fact about the world. It’s always our go-to meal option. When we’re having trouble making up our minds about what we’re going to eat (read: every day), sushi will always be the right answer.
No girl is ever going to say, “You know, I’m really not feeling sushi.” We are always feeling sushi.
Sushi is delicious; it won’t make you fat, and you can eat a ton of it and never be full. What’s not to love?
The relationship between women and sushi is sacred. It's the quintessential example of a healthy romance.
It’s as stable as the glorious pairing of a woman and her wine -- and did I already mention wine/sake and sushi are a wonderful combination? Because if not, you should know it's literally a threesome of epic proportions.
Some wise person (aka me), once said, “Give a girl a fish, and she’ll be full for a day. Give her lots of sushi, and she'll be happy forever.”
Who the f*ck needs a boyfriend when you have sushi? A boyfriend isn’t going to come to you at 3 am when you’re drunk and crying. Men suck. Sushi does not. Sushi is perfect.
I will, literally, take sushi over sex. And I like sex a lot. And a relationship? Bitch, please. It’s not even a competition.
Here are 65 reasons (I know, there are 700 million, but whatever) why sushi is, and forever will be, better than a boyfriend:
1. It’s already dead.
2. It'll come any time of night.
3. You actually want it in your mouth.
4. Going raw with sushi is standard.
5. It'll stay in with you on a Friday night.
6. It's better soft.
7. It's always good in bed.
8. It's always down to come to your doorstep.
9. A Dragon Fire Roll isn’t a kinky sex move you have to pretend to like.
10. It never disappoints.
11. It's actually fresh and not stupid.
12. You can have it with your BFF and it’s not awkward after.
13. You like it sauced.
14. It isn’t messy.
15. It loves you when you’re drunk.
16. Waiters always ask you want you want, they don't just assume (like that one time he tried a different hole without permission).
17. You actually want it three times a day.
18. It's got a spicy sauce that ain't funky.
19. It's cheap, and that's a good thing.
20. You want it bottomless.
21. It's the only thing you want to hang out with when high.
22. Because the service is fast and efficient.
23. It’s incapable of judging you.
24. It always leaves you satisfied.
25. It doesn't talk back -- actually, it doesn’t talk at all.
26. It doesn’t leave a bad taste in your mouth.
27. You can have a million pieces and still want more.
28. You can share it with your girlfriends.
29. You can change it up without cheating.
30. It doesn’t get in your hair.
31. If it comes with bottomless booze, you are so in for the long haul.
32. It doesn't fear commitment because sushi is always there for you.
33. Basics everywhere love it, but you don't even care. You know how special you are.
34. It makes you feel sophisticated.
35. It's actually healthy for your mind and body.
36. Even science says it’s good for you.
37. You don't feel guilty calling it late night.
38. Because the delivery guy always comes on time.
39. You can dip it in soy sauce and it’s not weird.
40. You're not freaked out when it smells like fish.
41. It’s always wrapped up.
42. It’s always an option when you want it.
43. It’s not going to tell you you look like you've gained weight.
44. It’s OK to fool around with other types.
45. Even when it's cheap, it's still classy.
46. It doesn't get offended when you poke it with a stick.
47. You don't mind when it burns.
48. You control the toppings.
49. You can double dip.
50. You don't care if it's a little salty.
51. It’s made to order.
52. It doesn't mind if you try something different.
53. You like it fat.
54. It goes beautifully with alcohol.
55. It goes down easy.
56. You can get it anywhere, anytime.
57. It’s international, but always speaks your language.
58. You always know what you're getting.
59. It’s never not on a roll.
60. You can experiment without making anyone mad.
61. It always makes your friends jealous.
62. It's literally never a bad idea.
63. It always looks good on your Instagram.
64. It won't make you cry unless you want it to.
65. You just don't get sick of it.