I Worked In An Office Job For 6 Months, And It Wrecked My Health

Comedy Central

I always wondered what dying felt like, but then I got a full-time office job.

Mystery solved.

Obviously, there are some major perks to working full-time. There's the discipline, the fulfillment of being of service to the world and the snacks.

Not to mention, there's full health benefits, which you'll need because working in an office will ruin your fucking health.

Honestly, I love my job, but having to work in an office for eight hours a day isn't great for you for a lot of reasons.

Here are all the different things you do at your job that are slowly killing you, and how to prevent that from happening:

1. Sitting at a desk all day

Human beings are not built to sit at a desk all day long. We have bodies that can do incredible things, and one episode of "American Ninja Warrior" will prove it.

But after only a few weeks at my first office job, I started to see my posture on a negative decline, followed by aches and pains.

This has been improved significantly by the use of a standing desk and by taking little breaks to go on walks in the outside world.

(By outside world, I mean Sephora.)

Taking these little breaks can also help regulate your sleeping patterns, which can be disturbed by being indoors all day with no sunlight.

2. Slouching

I mentioned this above, but if you're slouching all day long, you are actually contributing to a series of long term chronic ailments, like arthritis.

Get yourself something to correct your posture, and your body will thank you later.

If your office doesn't have standing desks, there are actually little alarms you can clip onto your shirt, like the Lumo Lift, that will alert you every time you slouch.

3. Motivational meetings

Even typing the words is enough to make me roll my eyes in disgust.

Praise be to Beyoncé my job doesn't do this, but a lot of companies try to force their employees to be enthusiastic.

This is not good, and it can actually make people feel more depressed.

While we're at it, can we stop forcing people to do improv with co-workers? The whole thing is just so Michael Scott.

4. Bad air quality

The air inside of a building can be even worse for your health than the air outside.

Robert Ferris noted for CNBC, "Smoke, fungal spores, and chemicals used in certain paints, varnishes and cleaners have been shown to be harmful to human health."

Not to mention, you're stuck inside with other people, sharing germs like dogs at the pound.

The best way to avoid this is to make sure you continually get outside throughout the day or to bring plants into your office, which increase the air quality.

5. Staring at a computer screen

Having had a lifetime of 20/20 vision, I started getting headaches after only four months in my office.

When I finally started cashing in on those doctor appointments I'd missed while working freelance, I realized my vision had started to decline and was prescribed reading glasses.

The headaches went away immediately.

If your vision is still intact, take my advice and get yourself a pair of computer glasses to protect your eyes from the harmful blue light.

6. Boredom

Being in a job that bores you or doesn't challenge you can actually take years off of your life.

A study from University College London showed that those who complained about boredom were more likely to die young, and those who reported higher levels of tedious activity were more likely to die of heart disease or stroke.

WOW, so uplifting.

One way to combat this in a job you hate is to set deadlines and challenges for yourself to see if you can meet them.

The work itself may bore you, but having a deadline that challenges you can be more engaging.

Or, you could find a new job.

Honestly, you could always just move to a log cabin in the woods and live off the land so you can defy mortality.

But what kind of life would that be?