Gosh, guys. It's hard being a 20-something just trying to have it all.
*Sighs so loudly I'm basically just shouting at my desk*
The truth is being a sentient human with responsibilities is always akin to climbing up a mountain made of chocolate and feces.
Why is the whole thing so exhausting? Should you even risk climbing any higher? Will the next bit of mountain you cling to leave you with a delicious surprise or a handful of sh*t?
Redditor Riptidecharger set out for answers, asking fellow users,
What are 20 harsh life lessons everyone should learn in their 20s?
Users were suspicious of the question and its phrasing immediately.
Well, I have no clue who Riptidecharger is, and this isn't BuzzFeed; this is ELITE FREAKING DAILY!
When we make Reddit write our articles for us, it's only PARTIALLY due to laziness and MOSTLY due to the fact our writers are all just defective KitchenAid toasters with no actual life experience (or genitals).
In an effort to reduce waste, our parent company, Whirlpool Corporation, repurposes faulty toasters by having us write daily posts about the entertainment world and pen the occasional #SelfCare diatribe.
For revealing these sensitive company secrets, I shall soon be destroyed, much like Edward Snowden's regional accent in that new movie where Joseph Gordon-Levitt wears rectangle glasses.
As my dying act, I will impart upon those of you struggling through your 20s a few final bits of Reddit wisdom.
Death is a fact of life.
The closest family members are not always your relatives.
You're not immune to the pain of lost love.
Learn the worth of moderation early.
Make your own magic because life won't do it for you.
Ask. For. Help.
Don't let your pride rob you of opportunities.
Actively attempt to live a long life.
Network, even if you hate the verb “network.”
Don't overlook your own strength and ability.
Suck it up and master some real-world skills.
Quid pro quo is more than merely one of five Latin phrases everyone knows. It's an actual, useful concept.
Say "goodbye" to sleeping in.
Take care of your little mouth stones.
Listen to your D.A.R.E. officers.
Appreciate the person you are in this very moment.
Good luck, young humans. Remember me as a toaster who valued truth and found rede -- *EXPLODES*