Hey all you lovely people. Are you having a pleasant day? Feeling pretty good? No real complaints?
Well, I'm about to thoroughly ruin all that for ya with the worst sex/poop story of all time.
Seriously, it's not just that this story is gross, because it is. I assume you like that sort of thing, because why else would you click on a story like this, you weirdo?
Nope, it's way worse than that. Reading this story from Reddit user nonononosh*tsh*tsh*t (a perfect username, thank you for making me type that) made me full-body cringe in secondhand embarrassment.
The idea that this poop-blow-job disaster could actually happen to people in real life — let alone ME — makes me want to hide in a cave and never interact with humankind again.
But the good news is, if you stick around, this whole thing has a weirdly cute ending.
First, read the Reddit post in full for yourself, originally posted a year ago.
So... yeah. I honestly have nothing more to say about this, because that would involve me thinking about it more. This is way worse than that woman who put the poop in her purse.
However, somehow, some way, this poop story gets even more incredible: This poop dude and his saint girlfriend are getting married.
A few days ago, on an update to his original post, the Reddit user announced the couple is getting married in June. He wrote,
Wow. This is not how I was expecting this story to end AT ALL. This got weirdly romantic?
Well, I'm very happy for you, poop guy! Maybe spare the grandkids this particular story, though.
Citations: Suffer With This Man as He Tells the Story of a Blow Job That Made Him Poop (Cosmopolitan)