Should I Try To Salvage My Dying Situationship?

Q: I’ve been casually seeing a guy for a few months. When we met, he told me he might be moving out of state and couldn’t get involved in anything serious. At first, this was fine with me, but since then, I’ve started to really like him.

I’ve recently stopped hearing from him and am getting the sense I won’t again. Is it worth my time to send a final text saying I enjoyed spending time with him and am open to him reaching out if he’s ever settled in the city and ready for something more? Or should I let our nonrelationship fade into the abyss?

I feel like I’m always chasing people, so part of me thinks this is stupid, yet the other part of me enjoys the time we spent together and feels like I should just YOLO it and send the text. — Alyssa*

A: Hi, Alyssa! This is a tricky one. I’m normally here for a little bit of fun chaos, so your attitude to “just YOLO it” speaks to me on a personal level. One day when I’m locked in with a spouse, two dogs, and a mortgage, I want to look back at my dating life and say I tried new things, took advantage of opportunities, and spoke up for what I wanted. Sometimes that means sending the risky text and being vulnerable. (It’s Cancer season! There’s no better time to put your feelings on the line.)

All this to say I’m a huge proponent of shooting your shot with someone you like. But I need to level with you here — I’m not getting the best vibe from this dude. Casual situationship or not, ghosting isn’t cute, and I wish he would communicate honestly about what he’s feeling. If he doesn’t want to hang out again, it shouldn’t be on you to reach out and close the loop. It’s on him to tell you.

You don’t owe this man anything, and that means you’re free to do whatever you want.

Basically, you don’t owe this man anything, and that means you’re free to do whatever you want. If you don’t hold much emotional attachment to the outcome, and you want to lay your cards on the table that you’d be down to hang again, fine! You can walk away knowing you said what you wanted to say.

On the other hand, if you think it will make you feel bad not to hear back from him — or if you don’t want to risk rejection — you’re better off letting this fade and putting your energy elsewhere. A guy who won’t end this with the respect you deserve probably isn’t worth your time anyway.

As for your “just go for it” mentality, keep that with you forever. When the right person comes along, they’ll be ready to send the risky text and put their feelings out there, too.

*Name has been changed.

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