Few things compare to meeting someone new who gets your blood pumping between the sheets. Sometimes, a hookup buddy is just what the doctor ordered. However, things can definitely get a bit confusing when you're forced to confront the fact that some people only want to hook up.
If you've just caught feelings for someone, it can feel nearly impossible to continue on in the bizarre limbo of "just sex." All of a sudden, you find yourself yearning to share more emotionally intimate experiences with them, rather than just meeting up for the occasional midnight bang. The most difficult part about allowing yourself the opportunity to be vulnerable about your feelings, however, is the very real possibility that the person your interested in may not want a relationship. Here are several reasons why this might be true.
According to relationship expert Meredith Golden, major life stressors can be a big reason that someone might be apprehensive to enter into a relationship.
"If an individual or family member is sick or dealing with a crisis, dating becomes secondary because all available time is allocated to the present situation," says Golden.
In my opinion, this is one of the few situations where it might be worth "waiting" for someone you feel a strong connection to. That being said, you can't wait forever. If the source of their stress is a long-term thing, then for your own sanity, it may be worth it to make yourself available as a supportive friend, without the expectation of a relationship in the near future. This can be difficult, as this also means your going to have to be OK with the fact that they may have other casual partners moving in and out of their life.
A big part of moving forward in life revolves around one's ability to prioritize. Obviously, the things we make a priority in our lives are able to flourish and grow, while the things that we deem less important will continue to remain stagnant.
To many people, their career is pretty high on their list priority, so depending on the commitment level of their job, this could be another reason someone isn't interested in developing a casual relationship into something more. This is particularly true if their work commitment involves traveling.
"If someone has to travel for work heavily over the next six months, finding the time to foster a relationship may not exist," says Golden.
OK, let's be real. This has got to be one of the biggest excuses trolls like to use to avoid being honest about their feelings — or lack thereof. However, if you're planning on heading off for a six-month-long backpacking trip through India next month, then you're probably not going to want to dive into a relationship three weeks prior, even if you see some potential.
However, Golden notes that it's not impossible to overcome less-than-ideal timing, if both people feel strongly enough. "Most of the time, if something great is brewing, people will find the time and make it work," says Golden. "However, sometimes, it’s just not possible."
Sometimes, the plain and simple truth is just that someone might not be ready to be in a relationship, period. Either they want to continue playing the field or they haven't met someone whom they feel strongly enough about to consider venturing down a more "serious" road. And honestly, that's totally OK.
Still, it can be extremely frustrating when you feel yourself falling for someone who doesn't want a relationship. Once you feel yourself wanting more, the most important thing to do is to be honest with yourself, and then, to make your desires known. The amount of people who stay in one-sided casual relationships because they are too afraid to acknowledge their needs and make them know is far too much.
However, if someone tells you that they aren't looking for a relationship, then the biggest mistake you can make is trying to force that to change. If it happens organically and the feelings are mutual, then great, but it's important to be honest with yourself and go after what you want. If that's a relationship, then the good news is that there are a ton of people out there who also want that. At the end of the day, chasing someone who doesn't want what you want takes time away from finding someone that does.
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