When You're Dumped Out Of The Blue, Here's What To Remind Yourself
We really don't have full control over anything, much less who loves us or how. So when you're dumped out of the blue and nothing makes sense, remember that the universe is always giving you exactly what you need. If the lessons are not clear to you now, that means that further study is necessary so that the meaning of this loss can unfold to you over time.
Remind yourself that love's lessons happen on their own timeline. Whether this was a relationship that lasted four weeks or four years has no consequence. Some of the universe's teachings can be learned in a day, and some require repeated practice to acquire. Both are valuable, and both will be life-changing for you if you are able to humble yourself in the presence of loss and love.
Part of love involves learning how to lose gracefully. But let me be clear: Having grace doesn't mean that you aren't hurting. Grace means working through your hurt in a way that allows you to actively heal. Lashing out at the other won't do your heart any good.
Even though you might be experiencing grief and anger, even though you might want to blame someone, nobody meant to hurt you maliciously. If your ex could have broken up with you without breaking your heart, they probably would have. Sometimes, we need to be broken open before we can realize the full power of our own love.
Understand that the parts of your ex that you miss were in you all along. Your own humor, your own tenderness, your own infinite compassion, and all the other beautiful qualities that make up your spirit and soul attracted this relationship to you in the first place. Sometimes, we need to fall in love with other people in order to fully fall in love with ourselves. But the gifts that your ex brought you also existed within yourself.
Try and see the ways in which this loss is an opportunity for expansion and growth. It's like you're a snake wiggling out of an ill-suited skin or a butterfly emerging through a cocoon. Your new skin might be vulnerable for a while; it might be in need of protection. Look to your friends, family, and community to offer you nourishment and sustenance. And don't forget to also look to yourself.
There's never going to be a partner better than the one you are to yourself. Maybe the other person was doing you a favor, killing you off so that you could make space for new life. This seems like an ending, but love never ends — not truly. It left the body it was taking in the form of your relationship and flowed into another source.
Love always comes back again. If it left you recently, have patience. It's probably already on its way back to you now. If you feel lonely before it arrives, try to find a way to fall in love with your own solitude. Again, it's an opening. Paint those pictures you wanted to paint. Pick up that new instrument. Make the time to take that fermentation workshop. Use this time alone to create everything that you want to create. The whole world is your playground now. You can use this time however you want.
In the process of finding your passion again, you'll discover things far beyond what your relationship could have brought you. Remember that you aren't actually missing out on anything. At any given time, you are exactly where you are supposed to be.
So wipe your eyes and start exploring. There's no point crying over spilled milk when the universe exists to topple your glass.
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