What To Remind Yourself When The Person You Like Says They Don't Want A Relationship

by Cosmo Luce

You can't control the way that somebody loves you. When someone doesn't want a relationship and you do, it can be hard to detach from that person. But if is the situation you are finding yourself in right now, you need to leave them so that you can pursue the relationship you desire. You owe yourself that. Nothing is going to change the fact that the two of you are headed in different directions. If the person you like doesn't want a relationship, you're not going to be able to change what you want to suit them. Disregarding your own desires is only going to lead to resentment in the end.

Frustration and disappointment are natural when you realize that you are not going to get what you wanted. Feelings of rejection or disbelief might be heightened when it seems like the both of you would be compatible in every way except for this one little pesky thing. But the truth of the matter is that if someone doesn't want a relationship, then the two of you aren't compatible. You might have worked for a little while, and you definitely learned something from one another. Just because your paths are diverging now doesn't mean the relationship wasn't important and influential to the person you are in the process of becoming.

It's also natural to be sad. Just because the two of you weren't "official" doesn't mean that you didn't have a real relationship. If the two of you were having sex, then you were sharing your bodies with one another. A relationship based in sex is still a relationship, and two physical forms connecting can be a powerful thing.

Even if you never kissed, if the connection was strong enough for you to form an emotional attachment then you did have a relationship of some kind. Just because heteronormative society thinks that marriage is the biggest signifier of a relationship doesn't mean that's true. You can fall in love with someone for a few minutes and the feeling can still be as powerful as that which has existed between two people for years and years. Don't let the concept of time dictate how meaningful your relationship was to you. Some people date for years without ever arriving at a level of true intimacy; sometimes, the most divine intimacy is experienced between two people who never dated at all.

And while your feelings of hurt and frustration are totally valid, recognize the fact that your crush never set out to do wrong to you. You are inherently worthy of love but at the same time, nobody owes you a relationship. In causing you heartbreak, this person was teaching you a valuable lesson of some kind that will inform how you approach love and dating in the future. Depending upon how you choose to use your perspective, this can either be a time where you let your heart open up to all of the possibilities the universe is providing you, or a time when you close it off to joy because you dread the possibility of pain.

Lastly, remember that just because you are sad now doesn't mean that you will feel this forever. But you have to want to move through your grief in order to let it go. Many people choose to stay in their grief because it is comfortable, familiar. You might choose to stay in your heartbreak because you think it's the only way to stay close to the person you wanted to be with. This isn't true. The qualities that drew you to them in the first place are already within you. It's up to you to find them.

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