You never mean to spend an hour stalking your ex's Instagram, but sometimes, it just happens. There you were, just minding your own business, scrolling through your feed, when suddenly, before you even realize what you're doing, you've pulled up their profile and are scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. Is it constructive? No. Is it healthy? Probably not. But is it addictive? Hell to the yes, especially on those rare cases where you get that schadenfreude thrill of realizing you are over them, and they are lame. (I swear, it does happen once in a while. I've experienced it, and it is delicious.)
However, most of the time, you do end up closing your laptop or setting down your phone, and you feel completely shook, wishing you could unsee all that those eyes have seen: the smiles, the vacations, the new boo. It’s an emotionally risky endeavor to take a peek at an ex’s post-you life, so why do we keep doing this to ourselves? It just comes down to the temptation and curiosity that won't be denied, even though the odds that we'll be super bummed are extremely high. So while it’s a little bonkers to continually put yourself through it, rest assured that you are definitely not alone in this. This struggle is real, and yes, we are all thinking these same things every time we find ourselves scouring our ex's Insta:
1. Oh, what harm could it do just to have a little peek?
2. This is totally normal. Everyone does it.
3. Hmm, this already not as fun as I thought it would be… and yet I can’t look away.
4. OK, whatever you do, LIKE NOTHING!
5. They look happy. That's… nice, I guess.
6. I wonder if they ever look at my Insta?
7. I better open a second window and look at mine and see what they are looking at when they look at mine, which they definitely do. Probably?
8. Yep, confirmed, I look hot.
9. #NoFilter. I am so funny. That took 20 takes but no one even knows.
10. Ooh, and that's a good pic of me, too. I bet that bums them out.
11. Aaaaand back to work.
12. Ugh, OK, fine. They look great.
17. OK, gotta open a third window for this chick's Instagram.
18. Well, congratulations, you are very pretty. Ugh.
19. Also, I lightweight hate you.
20. Just kidding, you seem amazing, and we could be BFFs.
21. Moving on. Back to the ex’s Insta.
22. Wow, they look like they are really living their best life. How nice for them.
23. Am I living my best life?
24. I really need to get out more.
25. And post it all over my feed.
26. I wish there was some way to prove that they are still looking at my social media because they do. I am convinced. How could they not? This is so fun and healthy.
27. Oh my God, wait, that would be terrible, because then, they would know I still stalk them.
28. Wait, is there some way they already know?
29. OK, you’re just getting paranoid. The only way they will know is if I like something.
30. Oh, f*ck, did I just like that?
31. Unlike! Unlike! Unlike!
32. Well, we're past the point of no return now, might as well go all the way down the well.
33. Who is this person who keeps liking all their posts? Time for another window.
34. Ugh, yep looks like this one is who they're dating.
35. Better look at all their pics and judge them mercilessly.
36. Nope, nope nope. This is too painful. Back to the ex.
37. Why do I feel like I just ate the equivalent of a whole pizza of my feelings?
38. I feel sick. Why do I keep doing this?
39. OK, that’s it. I am done.
40. Maybe just one more row.
41. No, stop it. Why do I keep doing this?
42. That was the last time I do that. It only makes me miserable.
43. Oh, wait, I wonder if they still use Tumblr?
And round and round the cycle goes. Yeah, Instagram stalking rarely makes you feel better about things. But who can resist? Not me, clearly.
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