Arguing and debating are parts of what makes us human. It's normal! But that doesn't mean that fighting with our loved ones is pleasant or fun. In romantic relationships, arguments can be extremely stressful. Sometimes they can get so heated that you and your partner might need some space to cool off from each other. But while you're cooling off, whether it's days or weeks later, you might be tempted to reach out to your partner. And if you do, knowing what to say in a text after an argument can be tricky.
Depending on how long it's been since the argument, typically "a text after an argument is only going to exacerbate the lingering residue of the argument," Chris Armstrong, dating and relationships coach, tells Elite Daily. He says "the only reason to text your partner after an argument is if you want to check in on how they are doing or you want to express your readiness to talk, and you think that they may be too angry or upset to talk [in person]."
Your partner might not be ready to talk an hour after a big blow out, but reach out if it's been what feels like a good enough amount of time, and if you think you've both had enough time to cool off. Only you can determine what feels like enough time.
Once you're ready to reach out, Armstrong suggests being polite and honest. He suggests saying something like, "(First name), I wanted to check-in on you. I don't know if you are ready to talk or not but when you are, I'd love to reconnect and sort out what happened." Reaching out to your partner to make sure they're OK and offering to talk it out whenever they're ready shows that you're there, and you're not trying to sweep the argument under the rug.
When you text your partner, Armstrong also recommends trying not to infer too much about what they're thinking or feeling. "Make no assumptions about their readiness or state of mind," he explains. "In other words, I don't say things like, 'I know you're upset' or 'I can see why you're mad at me.' Assumptions are unhealthy and cannot be addressed via text."
It's important to remember that texting is great for re-connecting after a fight, but it might not be the best way to fully resolve your argument. What you can do is open the door for another conversation IRL. No matter how intense your fight was, don't try to resolve it all over text, as things can get misconstrued. "Arguments often bring out the worst in us and reeling that back in must be done via a discussion where things are less likely to be misinterpreted," Armstrong says. "As well, you want the personalities and emotions that come through in talking that do not translate from text. Otherwise, truly re-connecting can be difficult."
So, to recap: Take your time, think about the argument, don't make any assumptions, and make sure your partner feels heard, as Armstrong advises. You both deserve respect, no matter how nasty the argument was, so talking it out in-person is the best way to make sure you're both truly on the same page.