Just because you and your bae have the same taste in music and really fun sex, doesn't necessarily mean you're compatible. But what are some signs that you are a good romantic fit? Whether you're still in the "talking" stage or have officially defined the relationship, you might be curious about what makes a couple compatible. Well, there is no one answer. The key is finding a partner whose personality and essence match up with yours. And, when there are areas where you and your partner's personalities and habits diverge — say, you're a homebody but your partner is an avid club-goer, or the two of you have different dietary restrictions due to your different religions — hopefully you're both willing to make a few compromises.
Dr. Joshua Klapow, clinical psychologist and host of podcast The Kurre and Klapow Show, defines romantic compatibility as "the degree to which each person’s view of love, intimacy, and attraction (and the expression of these experiences) work together for mutual benefit." Likewise, Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, says romantic compatibility happens when two people are "equally attracted to each other." But more than feeling butterflies and being emotionally intimate, romantic compatibility happens when you're both "on the same page about where you want the relationship to go," Trombetti explains.
Here are some more things to keep in mind if you're trying to make sure you and your boo are romantically compatible.
Sure, if you wanted, you could make a spreadsheet with all these categories and assess them one-by-one to measure you and your partner's compatibility. It could give you peace of mind, or it could stress you TF out. There's a good chance you already know whether you're compatible, because sometimes you can just feel it.
"When we are compatible with our partner, we feel free to be ourselves. And yet at the same time," Klapow says. "We feel that our authentic feelings and actions are pleasing and acceptable to our partner. While a compatible relationship is not entirely effortless, it does feel 'easy.'"
Trombetti is on the same exact page. "Being compatible with your partner should feel very easy. Some couples will say things like, 'It's hard work!' and it shouldn't be this difficult. That's when you aren't compatible," Trombetti reveals. "When you are compatible together, there is such an ease that you don't need to think about it or second-guess anything. It all just happens very naturally."
If there are some areas of incompatibility in your relationship, it doesn't mean your relationship is doomed. If you two are equally committed to each other and improving your bond, theres a good chance you can work things out. However, Archbold says, you need to ask yourself how much you're willing to put up with if your relationship isn't working out.
"If you notice upfront that a person is not compatible with you, then you have to ask yourself why you are sticking around. What’s keeping you there? What’s stopping you from ending things?" Archbold says. She also brings up the concept of finding your other half, and how it can put undue pressure on relationships. "I encourage folks to be willing to do the work that they need to on themselves, so that they don’t feel like the person they meet has to 'complete' them — which is a common issue when it comes to dating," Archbold explains. "When we seek our 'other half' in order to feel complete, it places expectations on a person to fulfill certain issues that they are not responsible for."
If you have a gut feeling that the person you're dating isn't a good fit for you, trust it, Archbold says. If you're still on the fence, Trombetti advises taking three months maximum to figure out whether you and your bae are compatible. "You have to give it a chance and not give up too soon. But at the same time, don't spend too much time trying to mold someone into something they aren't and never will be. In other words, don't try to change anyone."