You've been at school or work all day. Your roommates have the newest season of The Great British Bake Off cued up. A glass of wine is poured for you. It's the perfect night in. But you told someone you've been talking to that you'd meet them for a drink tonight. Do you go? Whether you've overcommitted to a date you never really wanted to go on or suddenly came down with a case of "I don't want to put real pants on," there are lots of reasons for standing up your date.
Of course, if you're not feeling seeing someone, sending even a Karen from Mean Girls-level, "I can't go out...I'm sick" text can be a more considerate way to diffuse the situation. But sometimes, life happens and for whatever reason, you may need to bail on your date at the last minute, with no notice. Maybe you spilled coffee on yourself on the subway. Or maybe you found out your crush is still dating their SoulCycle instructor girlfriend, even though they asked you out (@ me, my junior year of college).
I spoke with seven women about why they stood up their dates and their stories are #relatable AF.
The first time I got Tinder, men were so racist and fetishizing and gross, I was appalled. When one man completely crossed the line, I'd had it. I acted like I was into it and asked him to meet me for a drink that night, with no intention of showing up. An hour later, I got a stream of Tinder messages about how rude I was for never showing up. I told him to stop being racist, and unmatched with him.
— Ameera,* 23
Months before, I had talked to a friend about a band boy that had been a total f*ckboi to her. I met this guy at a show and was about to meet him for drinks, when he dropped that he was in the band my friend had mentioned. The band had a really stupid name, so it had stuck out in my mind. I sent my friend a pic of the dude, and sure enough, same dude. Hopefully he had some time to think about the ways he could be more respectful to women as he waited for me.
— Perry, 22
A cutie at work asked for my number, and we had plans to meet up over the weekend. We had been flirting at work here and there for a few weeks. But after we exchanged numbers, she just started texting me so much, I couldn't do it anymore. I didn't show up for our plans, and I kinda dodged her at work.
— Mai, 20
I've stood up a guy on Tinder for over a year because I refuse to meet him. I'm nervous! I don't like dating!
— Monica,* 25
I am just, like, bad at scheduling and got my days wrong. I totally stood up my crush when we made plans to get dinner and I didn't mean to! I said I was sorry and we met the next week.
— Myka, 27
One time, a guy in my friend group texted me asking to go to dinner but when I invited our other friends, they seemed to think the guy had only texted me because he wanted it to be a date. The next day I started feeling weird about it and texted him to ask if he meant to have an only us dinner. (He did.) I told him I wasn't into that, and that I invited all our friends.
— Jenna, 19
Honestly, after my last breakup I tried to 'put myself out there,' but I just wasn't ready. I didn't want to waste the guy's time or get drunk and cry about my ex on a date.
— Kim, 22*
You never need to go on a date you don't want to go on. If you're not feeling up for dinner or drinks, it's totally OK to cancel. If you find yourself on a date that you don't want to be on, you can exit at any time. Sometimes, however, you may have to bail without notice! But giving your date some notice that their reservation is now a party of one can oftentimes be a more considerate way to go. When it comes to your own love life, you get to make the rules. And if staying home in your jammies seems more appealing than braving a first date, you're not alone.
*Names have been changed.
