The Personality You're Least Compatible With For Dating & Relationships, According To Myers-Briggs
Let's face it: There are some people who you just “click” with, as if you fit together like perfect little puzzle pieces. And then there are others who you can barely tolerate, let alone generate a spark with. You go together like oil and water, or more accurately, tequila and late night-texting. In other words — dating them feels like a total disaster. While there are many ways to assess whether someone is a good match for you, the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator test can provide powerful insight into the personality you're least compatible with.
Compatibility is a funny thing, too. Contrary to popular belief, it’s not about finding someone who syncs up with every one of your interests, preferences, values, and beliefs. And it’s not about finding someone who’s the polar opposite in every way in order to achieve balance. Ultimately, compatibility depends on having similarities in some of the more important traits, as well as differences in some areas that can prove to be beneficial. And since the Myers-Briggs personality test can shed light on how you perceive the world around you, how you make decisions, and even how you function in relationships, it’s obviously a super handy resource when you’re evaluating your compatibility.
Dying to know who your match made in hell is? Here are some personality types that may not be well-suited.
ESFJ — INTJ
INTJs are ambitious, independent knowledge-seekers, and they’re typically far more interested in abstract ideas than socializing, whereas ESFJs are warm, social butterflies who are more interested in making connections with people and forging new relationships. Clearly, this isn't exactly an ideal match.
Here’s the thing: The fun-loving ESFJ can potentially help an INTJ to lighten up now and then, but an INTJ typically needs a lot of solitude and space — something that doesn’t come naturally for an ESFJ to offer. This can lead to much frustration, as an ESFJ may not get the quality time and conversation they crave, and an INTJ may feel irritated by the ESFJ’s continual chatter. And when they do find time to talk, their opposing interests may lead to lulls in conversation. While the INFJ gets excited about ideas and theories, the ESFJ is more interested in discussing their everyday experiences.
The one thing these two types have in common? They’re both judgers, which means they’re typically very opinionated. As a result, these two stubborn personalities may find it challenging AF to come to a compromise.
ENTJ — ISFJ
These personalities only share one trait, so it’s no surprise that they may have a difficult time coexisting peacefully in romantic relationships. And the one trait that they do have in common is judging, which means that while they’re both incredibly organized and skilled at goal-setting, they can also be more prone to digging their heels in during a disagreement. Since one is an introvert and the other is an extrovert, they also may disagree about how to spend their free time. The ENTJ prefers being around others, as that’s what makes them happiest and most energized, while the ISFJ gets easily stressed out and downright drained by too much group socializing.
One of the reasons why a thinker and a feeler may experience some friction is that a thinker’s straightforward nature can come across harsh to the feeler. Also, feelers tend to be more naturally affectionate and when they don’t receive that kind of warmth and emotional connection in return, they may not feel fulfilled in the relationship.
ENTP — ISFP
Both of these personalities are pretty spontaneous and adaptable — they prefer to go with the flow, and are prone to procrastination. But other than the perceiving preference, they don’t have much in common.
While the introverted ISFP may feel overwhelmed by the ENTP’s constant desire for interaction, the ENTP may feel as if the ISFP is closed off with little to share with them — and therefore, both can potentially end up feeling as if their needs are unfulfilled.
Meanwhile, the discrepancy between the sensing and intuitive trait can prove difficult for couples who cohabit. An intuitive type is not very motivated to keep up with everyday chores, because they’re often off in their own world pondering philosophical theories and future possibilities — which may exasperate a sensing type, because it puts the bulk of the housework on them.
When a conflict arises, these two personalities have totally different approaches. The ENTP (a thinker) will prefer to use logic to solve a problem, while the ISFP (a feeler) will primarily be interested in expressing themselves emotionally. This can cause tensions to rise, because the ISFP may feel like their feelings aren’t being valued or considered, while an ENTP may feel frustrated by the lack of rationale in the argument at hand.
ENFJ — ISTJ
An ENFJ thrives in groups — while an ISTJ prefers to be alone or one-on-one, and may clam up in group settings. An ENFJ is warm, compassionate, and emotionally driven, while an ISTJ is more reserved and practical. Clearly, these two types have far more differences than similarities. Sure, they do share some traits — like their sharp organization and planning skills. That said, two judging personalities can make conflict resolution somewhat challenging. That’s because they both tend to be not only very opinionated but also unwilling to budge on their beliefs.
One of the ENFJ’s most powerful strengths is their ability to tune in to their partner’s needs, wants, and moods. However, they may have a difficult time bonding with an ISTJ on an emotional level, as the ENFJ can be a bit detached. It doesn’t come naturally for the ISTJ to share their innermost thoughts and feelings, which can be defeating for the ENFJ, who craves that kind of connection.
ENFP — ISTP
The ENFP’s very existence revolves around emotions — it’s what they base their decisions and behavior on. Meanwhile, an ISTP is far more focused on facts than feelings. Obviously, this can cause some communication issues.
Not to mention, the ENFP is known for being spontaneous and impulsive, while the ISTP is anything but. As a result, they lead vastly different lifestyles. The ENFP likes to fly by the seat of their pants, and the ISTP likes to make very calculated, practical decisions.
When an ISTP needs to confront their ENFP partner about an issue, they may come across as terse. The ISTP’s criticism isn’t intended to hurt the ENFP — but they’re all about problem-solving, so they’re more interested in presenting the facts and swiftly reaching a resolution. Meanwhile, the ENFP is rather sensitive by nature and may be quickly wounded by the ISTP’s straightforwardness. On top of that, the ENFP’s highly emotional expressions may prove exhausting for the ISTP.
INTP — ESFP
On the surface, these types appear to have some solid common ground: They’re both pretty easy-going as well as highly adept at handling change. Unfortunately, they don’t communicate in the same way, which means it may prove difficult for them to resolve conflicts.
INTPs usually rely on logic and reason while working through problems, whereas ESFPs are led by their emotions — and this discrepancy may lead to misunderstandings. Plus, since the INTP is a thinker, they tend to be super blunt with their words, and the feeling-focused ESFP is prone to taking that criticism very personally.
One of the main reasons why these types aren’t typically compatible is that they have a tendency to trigger each other’s worst fears. INTPs are easily freaked out when they face emotionally vulnerable scenarios, which they’re likely to run into very often with an emotionally driven ESFP. Meanwhile, the ESFP has a tough time coping with disapproval, and the INTP may not think twice before criticizing (as they can take it just as easily as they dish it out). The INTP views conflict as a necessary part of life, and approaches it with no fear whatsoever, while the ESFP may avoid conflict, and is eager to achieve harmony as quickly as possible.
INFJ — ESTJ
Whereas the INFJ seeks out change, the ESTJ is fairly resistant to change. On top of that, ESTJs tend to be conservative-minded, and prefer to adhere to tradition, while the INFJ thrives on innovation. In other words, the INFJ is always seeking out new ways to do things, while the ESTJ is wondering, “if it ain’t broke, why fix it?”
The outspoken nature of the ESTJ may prove offensive to an INFJ. The INFJ often needs a lot of emotional validation, which the ESTJ is not inclined to give without prompting — and as a result, the INFJ may not feel understood by their partner. Plus, the INFJ may get irritated by the ESTJ’s devil’s advocate tendencies. The ESTJ thinks they’re helping to solve the problem, but the INFJ just wanted a supportive ear.
INFJs are more likely to allow themselves to be emotionally vulnerable, and since ESTJs rarely reciprocate on that front, the INFJ may feel like they’re missing out on an important form of intimacy.
INFP — ESTP
Both of these types are relatively chill, so they have that going for them. But unfortunately, they don’t have much in common beyond their perceptive nature and relaxed attitude toward life.
ESTPs are known for being extremely outgoing, and the reality is, an INFP simply won’t want to party as much as their partner. What’s worse, they may take it personally when their ESTP significant other hits the town without them. This can breed resentment between them — the ESTP may feel like they have to hold back their social urges to appease the INFP, and the INFP may feel hurt when their partner leaves them behind to attend parties or events.
ESTPs (sensing) are more focused on the here and now, whereas INFPs (intuitive) are more likely to be future-oriented, which means they make decisions based on very different information. Additionally, the INFP can get caught up in obsessing over what the “right” thing to do is, based on their morals and values, whereas the ESTP is action-oriented and more likely to make quick choices based on whatever the immediate goal is. Unsurprisingly, this contrasting approach can put a strain on the relationship over time.
It's important to note that while these Myers-Briggs types may not seem compatible for a variety of reasons, there are exceptions to every rule. Every individual is unique, and therefore, so is every relationship. Just because two people don't have a ton in common doesn't mean they can't have a healthy, happy relationship — as long as they can accept and learn from their differences, while also using them as an opportunity to seek out self-growth.