The Moon Will Be In Pisces On Halloween, So Blame All Your Drunk Crying On That

by Rosey Baker

Halloween is a time when we dress up as our nightmares and fantasies, where we climb into a a costume and get as drunk as it takes to believe we are that costume. I'm sure we've all got a helluva night coming up this Halloween, with parties, friends, lovers, and most importantly, booze. But as an astrologer and someone who cares for your well-being, it is my obligation to tell you that the Halloween moon will be in Pisces. So when you start drunk crying about how you lost the tiara for your Frozen costume, you can blame it on the moon instead of your inability to handle liquor.

This is all part of the spirit of All Hallow's Eve, my friend! You need to remember that there's nothing quite as fun as drinking in a costume and blaming your mistakes on other people, places, and things. It's really what the holidays are all about, with the exception of the costume part. So what follows are just a few inane things that will make an otherwise sane adult drunk cry under the influence of a Pisces moon, because as you may or may not know, Pisces is one of the most sensitive signs in the zodiac, and also prone to loving cocktails.

You Decide You "Don't Like Your Costume Anymore"

Sure, wearing one-half of a couple's costume wasn't your best idea, but is it your fault that you always saw Tweedledee as his own person? Once midnight rolls around, the sensitivity of the Pisces moon (combined with the 12 beers you've had) makes hearing the question, "Where's Tweedledum?" one more time unbearable. It all starts to feel like an overarching theme in your life, and you begin to ask yourself, "Yea, where is my Tweedledum?"

These thoughts will take you off the dance floor for at least 30 minutes to cry in the bathroom, wondering if you're going to die alone, until the power of female friendship gets you on your feet again. The night is young, and there's more drinking to do. This wasn't your fault. You're not usually this sensitive! It's that damn Pisces moon again.

You See Someone Dressed As Your Ex's Favorite Musical Artist

Sure, you broke up a year ago, but the Piscean influence over our feelings can make us all a little nostalgic for our exes. Pisces are known for wanting what they can't have and for indulging in fantasy more than reality. Pour some alcohol on that nostalgia and it's off to the races. The minute you see someone in a Prince costume having a great time, you start to wonder "Is he out there somewhere, listening to Prince, having fun without me?"

Next thing you know, you and your girlfriends are all upset about this perfect stranger's choice of a costume and you're letting him know. He calls you all crazy, everyone agrees, and all three of you have to leave the party crying.

The Tattoo Place Won't Let You Get A Tattoo

F*ck that stupid costume party, you all decide you're gonna fly by the seat of your costumes, and you ride that wave of impulse right into the nearest tattoo parlor. I mean there is nothing more profoundly intimate than being thrown out of a party as a group, while crying. So you decide you need tattoos to commemorate the event, but little do you know, none of you are actually making sense anymore. The tattoo place can't make out your slurred words and denies your request to get all three members of Destiny's Child tattooed on your ankles.

The crying continues, and this time, none of you are even sure what you're upset about. You just know you hate everyone except each other.

"The Pizza Is Gone" (You Ate It)

You've been out all night, partying, dancing, crying — hell you might even make out with your friend, maybe both, which will make things weird for a few weeks. You don't give a f*ck. It's Halloween b*tch, and that Pisces moon has you thirstier than a booze-camel.

Suddenly, 3 a.m. rolls around, and you're blackout drunk with your friends at a pizza shop. You come to, and the pizza is gone. These bitches ate this entire pizza without you! Suddenly your innermost self conscious thoughts start rolling out of your eyeballs and down your cheeks; nobody loves you, everyone takes advantage of you, and all your fears are real! The next day you wake up with pepperoni still in your hair, and you realize nobody was lying when they said, "You ate the pizza, too!"

When you wake up the morning after Halloween, you might feel pretty bad about what you did the night before. But here's the thing: Halloween is already a heavy party night, and you're not a criminal for participating.

As for how much you drank, well, that was the moon's influence. Pisces is an overindulgent, overly sensitive sign, and when you put that together with the moon's effect on our feelings, you really can't be held responsible for all those mistakes you made. It was the moon's fault, not yours.

Happy Halloween!