No matter how long you've been dating someone, sometimes relationships kind of run their course. If you and your boo have majorly grown apart, of if you're starting to think that your relationship may not be bringing you the happiness it once did, you may be wondering if your relationship is not worth fighting for. When it comes to something as hard as ending a relationship, the truth is that only you know what's right. If you're thinking it may be time for a change, it can be super important to listen to your heart. Sometimes, the hardest decisions to make are ultimately the right choices for your life.
"It's important to understand that even in the best of relationships, there are going to be hard times," Dr. Gary Brown is a prominent couples therapist in Los Angeles tells Elite Daily. "Issues around the distribution of power, expressions of love or the lack of it, money, sex, social priorities, dealing with friends and family, as well as job and career issues impact just about all couples."
From money stresses to differences in the ways you express love, there are tons of reasons your relationship may feel a little strained. Of course, if the arguing becomes too much to take, or if you feel like your partner isn't being supportive, there may be some signs it's time to walk away. "Your relationship may not be worth fighting for if it has become chronically toxic, adversarial, if there have been multiple affairs, if your partner constantly criticizes you in public, if they consistently refuse to support you when you are your most vulnerable, and when they repeatedly shame you in public or privately," Dr. Brown says. "Feelings of love are wonderful - but feelings are not always going to be enough. Building a strong foundation is key."
Every partnership goes through changes. From switching jobs to moving far away to understanding your gender or sexuality identities differently — evolution is a normal and natural part of being a human. When you're in a partnership, it's important for your boo to be able to openly discuss change and to work together — through the good times and the not so good times. According to Winter, it might be time to walk away if you're frequently having the same arguments about the same things or if your partner doesn't allow for you to express your thoughts or feelings.
"The hallmark of a healthy relationship is one where the couple remains connected, despite external or internal stressors. No matter how great the challenge at hand, both individuals commit to working it out, together. They look at each other as their teammate, their partner, their confidant, and their support system," Susan Winter, NYC-based relationship expert and love coach says. If your partner isn't super helpful in hard times, or if you struggle to really depend on them, it's totally OK to express your needs to them. If they aren't able to give you the support and care you need (and deserve!), it's also OK to look for a relationship where you do feel supported and cared for.
Of course, every relationship will have its ups and downs. According to Winter, if your relationship is only highs and lows, it may be time to walk away. When natural "rough patches" happen, being able to support each other through transitional times can be a super important aspect of maintaining a romantic relationship. "The most stable relationships are not ones where nothing goes wrong ever but it is the one where you are able to have things go wrong and repair after the arguments," Shula Melamed, MA, MPH, and well-being coach says. "The ones in which a couple is able to to disagree, discuss it, and acknowledge each other's roles in a dynamic."
If your partner isn't able or willing to work with you through the hard stuff, or take accountability for their actions, it's totally OK to let them go. "If your partner is not interested in staying together, if they continually are deceitful, not remorseful, and not willing to work on the relationship, it may not be worth fighting for," Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin MS, LCPC, Certified Imago Therapist, and co-founder of The Marriage Restoration Project, says. "But if they are interested in achieving forgiveness and working through the rough patch, it's worth it."
If your boo is open to having some direct communication and taking accountability for their actions, it may be beneficial to work through your transitions together. "Every healthy relationship has setbacks, Dr. Joshua Klapow, Ph.D. Clinical Psychologist and Host of 'The Kurre and Klapow Show,' says. "Every healthy relationship has serious problems, concerns and even crises. Communication is the key to keeping a relationship healthy. It’s about talking but it’s about talking about issues that underlie the relationship before they are a problem."
If you can openly talk to your boo about any problems you may be facing, your relationship may be super strong and just in need of some extra TLC. Still, according to Dr. Klapow, there may be some signs that in terms of your own happiness and wellbeing, the relationship may not be totally worth fighting for. "Repeated betrayal of trust, repeated abuse (physical, sexual or psychological), if your partner is willing to humiliate you in public or if your partner cannot support your growth or change," Dr. Klapow says.
If your partner can't seem to keep their stories straight, if they're not respectful of your space, your body, or your emotional wellbeing, or if they can't support you in your own life — it may be time to say goodbye. Of course, no one knows your relationship more than you do, and if working through whatever you're going through with a partner feels right, it's important to do what will make you happy.
When it comes to love, only you know what's best for you. If you want to work it out with your partner — you know the path you need to follow. Of course, if your partner doesn't seem to make space for your feelings, if they aren't reliable, and are unwilling to change, you may be happier seeing someone else or even taking some time to be #single and #slaying it. All relationships go through hard times, but if you're thinking it's time to call it quits, it can be super important to listen to your heart. Talk to your partner about where your head is at, and make a plan about moving forward. You deserve to be happy and supported in all you do . — no matter your romantic status.