The decision to have sex is such an intensely personal thing. No one but you can determine when you feel most comfortable. Maybe you're the kind of person who'd rather wait until you feel a strong emotional connection with your new partner, or maybe you think it's fun to hook up and see if sparks fly. Sex on the first date is totally fine, but it's also completely normal to want more time to warm up to someone new.
Earlier this week, I spoke to six women about their thoughts on hooking up on the first date. They had a range of reactions, which was cool. The most surprising thing I learned was that five out of the six said they wound up seriously dating someone they hooked up with right away — which runs completely counter to the common wisdom that getting physical right away ruins the potential for a relationship outside the bedroom.
The bottom line: Sleep with whomever you want whenever you both want. It really doesn't matter.
But if you happen to be curious about how guys see the situation, check out their responses below to a Reddit thread that asked that very question. Just like the women did, the men had a variety of responses. Some endorsed getting down and dirty right away, while others preferred to wait. Unfortunately — and this is pretty gross — some guys said they'd be fine with sex on the first date, but it would essentially make them lose respect for the woman. (Hello, are they judging themselves for the same thing they're judging women for? Ugh.)
Below, a dozen guys get really real about hooking up on the first date.
This guy wants to determine sexual compatability ASAP.
Sexual compatibility is important to me, and I want to know as soon as possible whether we match up that way. I've seen way too many people talk about how 'their relationship is perfect, my partner is sweet/funny/nice/etc., but the sex is bad/vanilla/infrequent/etc.,' and I've seen it put a strain on those relationships as a result. In my mind, that reasons out to 'Let's get that part of our relationship figured out quickly so it doesn't strain our relationship.' I know this isn't the only important part of a relationship, but it's incredibly important to me, and so I care about making sure it's all good.
This guy would thinks sex on the first date decreases his chances of getting ghosted.
Prefer it and if it doesn't happen the chance of being ghosted increases significantly
This guy used to like hooking up on the first date until one girl changed his mind.
I used to always just think 'we're adults and like sex, let's not make it a big deal and just have some fun.' But the last girl i met said that she considered sex really intimate and we slowly ramped things up over time. And everything became a lot more meaningful, and I appreciated that she was sharing herself with me a lot more. So idk. I wouldn't judge a girl for sleeping with a guy on a first date or anything but now I almost prefer having to wait and earn it.
This guy doesn't want to have sex right away.
Sex is really intimate and vulnerable, you need to build trust.
This guy says his best relationships have stemmed from having sex on the first date.
I like it. In every good relationship I've been in, we had sex on the first date. I don't think it's a necessary thing. I'll totally go on a second date if we didn't have sex on the first. If we have sex on the first date, it's a good sign that we're getting along well and that we like each other and stuff.
This guy likes having sex on the first date, but doesn't think it's a big deal either way.
I'm all for it. I've never seen it affect a relationship one way or the other.
This guy loves it, but would never have a real relationship with the girl afterward.
If we do then great but there is no way I'm starting a real relationship with her.
— Kleemin
This guy definitely isn't interested in sex on the first date.
Hell no. Not until I've known her for a while. How the hell can anyone justify jumping in the sack with someone they just met? Anyone can put on an act for one or two dates. More if they're determined. Get to know someone before you start taking your clothes off.
This guy is thinking with at least one of his heads.
First, because if you don't get a second, at least you smashed
This guy would rather wait — and he'd judge you for sleeping with him on the first few dates.
I prefer to wait. On the first date, I'm still getting to know you. On the second and third date as well, by the way. I find it strange to jump to sex that quickly. I also question whether a girl who's up for sex on the first date is longterm/serious dating material. I don't think I would consider something serious with a girl who'd be willing to sleep with me on the first (few) date(s).
This guy says he leaves the decision up to his date.
This is honestly up to her in my opinion. Whatever she's comfortable with or wants. If I'm into a person I can wait awhile.
And finally, this guy says it depends on what you're looking for.
It depends on what you want from the relationship. Want something casual? That's a good way of setting the tone. Want something more serious? Might be sending the wrong message but it could still work
Obviously, there's no one "right" way to conduct your personal life. Have sex on the first date if you feel like it... or don't! If someone judges you for your decision either way, that isn't someone who deserves a place in your life, anyway.
Check out the entire Gen Why series and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.
Check out the “Best of Elite Daily” stream in the Bustle App for more stories just like this!
