I'm not going to bother to dwell on if having sex on the first date is OK. Of course it is. I'm pretty sure that Sex and the City cleared that up back in 1998, when Carrie wore a naked dress on her first date with Mr. Big, vowed not to sleep with him right away, did it anyway, and wound up marrying that emotionally unavailable trainwreck of a man anyway. (Tangent: Even if you have a Town Car and a chauffeur, that does not give you license to treat people without respect. Dating columnists are real people with feelings, too, OK?)
It's perfectly fine to sleep with somebody on the first date, and it's also perfectly fine to sleep with somebody after a million dates. You do you. Or you do them. Whatever.
I spoke to six women about all the reasons they choose to hook up when they do. They all endorsed getting busy on the first date if that's something you're interested in — and a surprising number (five out of six!) said they've seriously dated people they hooked up with right away. But they also presented thoughtful reasons for waiting. The whole thing was pretty thought-provoking.
This woman had sex on a first date and it led to a long-term relationship.
I had sex with my boyfriend of almost two years on our first date. If you're feeling it, go for it! If people have a real connection, sex won't diminish it, and if both people just want to have fun, well, then no need to waste time. Just make sure you feel like you know someone well enough that you won't feel bad in the morning, or if it turns out they weren't feeling as strongly about your bond as you were.
— Taylor, 24
This woman also had sex on a first date and it led to a long-term relationship — but she regrets it.
The last person I had sex with on the first date turned out to be my boyfriend of three years... but I often regretted that in the early months of our relationship, wishing we had started off more slowly. I feel like there's not much to build up to after that. I also had anxiety about my boyfriend perceiving me as easy, even though he was obviously into me by making it official. I waited three or four dates before sleeping with the guy I'm currently seeing, and I felt much better about it!
— Lila, 24
This woman had sex on the first date and it worked out.
I had sex with my boyfriend the first night we met and we've been dating for four months! It's not always that successful but it definitely can be. If they are hot and you want to, go for it.
— Kylie, 24
This woman would sometimes do everything but sex on a first date, but wouldn't feel safe that way anymore.
There have been a handful of times I went out for drinks with a guy, had them back to my place and did everything but have sex. Some guys would even stay the night! I was always really nervous about what these guys would think of me, but those 'everything but' first dates would regularly turn into real dating. I mean, I had an 'everything but' first date with my current boyfriend and we’ve been dating for years. If I had to guess, I think my 'everything but' strategy showed these guys I thought they were hot, but had my standards.
Would I practice my 'everything but' strategy if I was single today? Absolutely not. I read so many stories about girls getting raped, beaten up, or worse when they do something similar. I can’t help but feel like I was putting myself in danger every time I asked a guy to come back to my place.
— Emily, 25
This woman tried it once and isn't a fan.
I've only done it once, and it certainly didn't work in my favor because I never saw him again. That said, it was pretty clear from his behavior and attitude that it was his plan from the start. I don't regret it though — the guy went on to win a Grammy!
— Jane, 23
This woman only does it if there's a super strong connection.
I don't see anything wrong with sex on the first date, though I usually wait until I know the person a bit better. Very occasionally, I'll meet someone with whom I have such good chemistry that we end up sleeping together on the first date. Usually, I end up dating this person for quite awhile because there is such a strong connection. Sex shouldn't be stopped by something as stupid as the 'three-date rule' — as long as you do it safely.
— Helena, 24
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