See If You're On This List Of 9 Most Hilarious Craigslist Missed Connection Posts Of All Time

Craigslist is like the internet version of Walt Disney World... just with way less expensive merchandise and a few more potential murderers. But that doesn't mean it can't make dreams come true! Particularly if those dreams come in the form of rent-controlled sublets, already assembled IKEA dressers, or Missed Connections.

In case you're unfamiliar, the Missed Connections section is exactly what it sounds like: a place for Craiglist users to post free personal ads looking for that special someone whose name or number they never caught. In a perfect world, it would lead to everyone finally getting together with the charming stranger on their subway car and living happily ever after, like something out of a '90s rom-com (probably starring Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks). And while some posts read like the opening of a romantic novel, others (OK, the majority) are a little more sexual — like, you know, this person who gave a hand job to a stranger at an NFL game?

We've rounded up nine of the most hilarious and absurd Craigslist Missed Connections from coast to coast, just in case you happen to be that eye-patch-and-silver-sneaker-wearing cutie (I'm really hoping you are)...

This woman who may or may not have been kissed by a ninja.

I think I was kissed by a ninja... - W4M

This brunette with nothing but regret and Tuscan kale.

Immaculate Produce at Trader Joe's 6/26 - W4M

This woman who just wants you to have that beer, baby.

Man of my dreams! - W4M

This metallic-sporting pirate type.

This naked 30-something with a few good teeth.

Naked dumpster diver - M4M

This subway romance.

This guy who's just looking for his Pizza Princess.

Pizza Princess - M4W (Boston North End)

This person who seems to be looking for the OG Hot Chick.

ISO R Schneider from 20 year ago - M4M (LA)

This person who might have scratched your back (for no more than 10 seconds).

I gave you an accidental back scratch

Oh, and if anyone happens to catch a Missed Connection in London looking for "that girl singing Justin Bieber to herself on the train," feel free to send them my way.

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