Is It Normal If You're Not Sure Your Partner Is "The One" For You? Here’s What Experts Say
Whether you’re single, married, divorced, or in a relationship, you’ve probably dealt with the concept of “the one" at some point. Yes, that elusive concept of finding that one person in the entire universe meant just for you. It’s a confusing idea in general, but if you’re dating someone and you’re not sure your partner is "the one," it can be an even bigger source of stress. The thing is, it doesn't have to be. The whole concept of "the one" is kind of ambiguous.
According to Clarissa Silva, behavioral scientist, relationship coach, and creator of Your Happiness Hypothesis Method, the concept of "the one" actually dives a little deeper than finding your one true love. "When you are dating, you are seeking people that you can relate to, that you admire, that you trust, that you can work collectively with to reach your common goals," Silva tells Elite Daily. "That person should be an extension of what you are and someone who enjoys you for who you are and what you will become," she continues. "After all, you’re trying to find someone that compliments you and that makes you a better version of yourself."
So even if you don't believe in soulmates or the romantic version of "the one," you might believe in Silva's version. They're just someone who is there for you, supports you, and helps you become better. Sounds pretty great, right? And much less complicated than the idea of looking for one person in the entire world who checks all your boxes. "The one" could be multiple people.
But if you still aren't sure your partner is right for you, or rather, the "one" you want to spend your life with (if that's what you want), do not worry. "Doubt is normal because we are comparing it to our past patterns and thinking 'is this the best I can get?'" Silva explains. It's totally normal to not be completely convinced that your partner is the ultimate one for you, but that doesn't mean you should let your doubt rule your life. There's a lot of pressure in thinking that you're supposed to feel totally, 100 percent confident that this one person was designed by the universe to fully compliment you and you only! Some say it might even be unrealistic. But if your partner doesn't bring out the best in you, or if you feel like you're settling for something that doesn't make you feel like the best version of yourself, they might not be the "one" for you at this point in your life.
“It is very common that while you’re seeking happiness, you wind up settling,” she says. “Deep down inside, when you’re settling, you know it. Sometimes people convince themselves that it is OK; other times they realize that they want more, but don’t think they can get it. In either case, why live only partially happy?”
Perhaps you're feeling like your partner isn’t “the one” is because they aren’t what you need right now, and that's nothing to feel bad about. It doesn't mean you've failed at finding "the one," it just means that the person you're with doesn't bring out the best in you right now. Thinking that there's only one person in the whole world who's perfect for you might be doing you more harm than good. Keep your heart open to all the possibilities of love, until you find someone (not the one) who makes you feel like the best version of yourself.
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