In any long-distance relationship, there usually comes a time when you get fed up with all the back and forth flights and FaceTiming, and consider moving to be closer to each other. And why wouldn’t you? While thoughtful texts, epic phone calls, and passion-packed visits may have been fun for a while, missing your boo madly can start to get old. But how can you know you’re ready to move to be closer to your partner? Are there any signs that can suggest it’s time to make this life-changing decision?
For one of my best friends, Samantha, it wasn’t so obvious. After a long, brutal year of bi-coastal travel for and her boyfriend, who had moved from Boston to Oregon, the two decided they’d had enough. We threw her an epic going away party, she found a subletter for her apartment, and she flew out to the West Coast. Less than three months later, she was back in Boston. When I asked her about this blip over a couple beers, she said, “I jumped the gun. I was so tired of going months without seeing him. But I wasn’t really prepared to move in together in a city I don’t know.” Now, Samantha happily lives in a studio apartment in Portland with her bae. But the first time around, she simply wasn’t ready.
So, how does one know they are ready? According to Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent dating and relationship therapist in Los Angeles, here are a few common signs that it’s time to close the distance.
Have you and your boo discussed what your lives look like a few years from now, or even further down the line? Do you hope to make traveling a priority? Are you interested in starting a family? These are all things you’ll probably want to discuss before picking up and moving closer to your partner.
Dr. Brown tells Elite Daily that if your “life visions for a relationship are aligned,” then you can be confident about making the move.
“Being in sync on important issues is a good sign that you may be very compatible in major ways," he says.
Even if you aren’t both are on the same page about every vision you have for the future, if you can at least find a compromise, that’s a good sign that you’re ready for this next step.”
Of course, you’d rather not think about what could happen if things don’t work out with you and your boo, but it’s smart to at least consider your backup plan — particularly if you’re moving very far away from family and friends. Dr. Brown says it’s immensely important to give the idea of moving a great deal of thought. He recommends lining up a job in your new city ahead of time, as this will take some of the pressure off the relationship during the adjustment period.
“You need to be very honest with yourself before you decide to make a move,” he adds. “You should be reasonably sure that you are not going to be resentful if you move to live with your partner.”
If you feel like you have a practical mindset about this life change, and are prepared to deal with the consequences of this move should the relationship not work out, then that’s a solid sign you’re ready to take the plunge.
You know those potentially irritating “quirks” your boo has? My mom likes to call them “the uglies.” No matter how much you love your partner, they probably have a few behaviors that annoy you, and you should be well aware of what those are. Not only that, but Dr. Brown says that those habits should not be deal-breakers.
For example, if you know that your SO has an issue with being on time and you’re super punctual, that will ideally be something you’ve either accepted, or if it really bothers you, discussed how to navigate. Another factor to consider, given that you may be sharing a space, is how messy or tidy your partner is — and whether you can deal with their ways.
“No relationship is perfect,” says Dr. Brown. “If you can live with their idiosyncrasies...and they can live with yours, you may ready to move.”
If you’ve made a mental pros and cons list about this move, and there are vastly more benefits than there are potential pitfalls, that may mean that you’re ready to pack your bags.
“If it’s becoming a real series of hassles to not live with your partner, and you are getting tired and frustrated at the logistical problems of living apart, that’s a strong sign that it may be time for one of you to move," explains Dr. Brown.
Be honest: How’s your communication game with your boo? According to Dr. Brown, if you’ve figured out how to resolve conflicts in a healthy way, that’s a good sign that you’re ready to move.
“You are both going into this with your eyes wide open,” he adds. “You both know that sometimes it is going to be hard.”
Realistically, you and your boo will have fights — and moving closer to them will not change that fact. So it’s super important to feel like you can comfortably confront your partner about things that are bothering you, and that they’ll listen to and respect you (and vice versa, of course).
Still not certain you’re ready to pick up and move to be closer to your partner? Dr. Brown advises arranging for a test-run by living with your SO for a couple weeks or having them live with you. Or, if you live within an hour or so by car, he suggests living together for a month to see how it goes. That said, if you notice any of these signs, there’s a good chance you’re ready to take your relationship to a new stage — one where you have fewer miles between you, and far more time to further strengthen your bond.
