If You’re Ready To Have Sex For The First Time, You’ll Notice These 5 Things About Yourself
There is a lot of outside messaging, social pressure, and plenty of opinionated people who are more than happy to tell you whether or not you're not ready to have sex. But that decision is yours to make. So, if you're wondering whether the time is right and you're ready to have sex for the first time, you'll know by looking within for the signs that it’s the right decision for you. Because, let’s be honest, this is a big one.
How do you know if you’re ready? Is there an age where you should automatically be good to go? Dr. Fran Walfish, Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist and author of The Self-Aware Parent, tells Elite Daily that it’s a lot more complicated — and, yet, simpler than that. "Sexual intercourse readiness has no defined age,” she says. “The ‘right’ age should correlate to the individual’s emotional readiness and previous demonstration of responsible behavior." OK, but what does that mean? How do you know if you're emotionally prepared and responsible enough to take the sexual plunge? Are there things you'll notice about yourself when the time is right? To answer that question, I reached out to the experts to learn what to be on the lookout for that means you're ready for sex. That way, you can take all the guessing out of whether or not the time is right. Here's what they had to say.
1. You’re really comfortable with your partner.
One of the first things you’ll notice when you're ready to have sex for the first time is that you’re comfortable with your partner, says Dr. Dawn Michael, certified clinical sexologist and sexuality counselor. “I think that a lot of it has to do with... wanting to be intimate with your partner. You will know when you are ready if you feel comfortable with that person, also that you are in a situation where you feel safe and are ready to share your body with someone else,” Dr. Michael tells Elite Daily.
2. You are OK talking about sex in a serious way with your partner.
The ability to talk about sex and feel comfortable discussing it with the person you want to have sex with is a sign of emotional maturity. So, if you can’t even talk about it without getting embarrassed, you may not be ready to actually do it.
However, as Dr. Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D. and host of the Mindful Sex video program, tells Elite Daily, if you’ve started talking about sex in specific terms, it’s an indication that you are ready. “Our culture is simultaneously hyper-sexual and sex-negative, and sexual messages are therefore highly contradictory. By discussing your concerns, uncertainties, vulnerabilities and desires more openly with trusted friends or partners, you can address some of these contradictions and embrace a life in which sex plays an overwhelmingly positive role,” she says.
3. You’re not ashamed of your own pleasure.
Something that all too often gets lost in the shuffle when it comes to having sex for the first time is your pleasure. How comfortable are you with the topic and embracing it? Dr. O’Reilly says that’s another barometer of sexual readiness. “You are not required to masturbate, but most people do and many of us learn about our bodies and sexual pleasure through self-exploration,” she explains. “Before you consider having sex with a partner, you might want to consider having sex with yourself. It’s not a requirement, but many people find it both useful and pleasurable.”
4. You’ve made decisions about how you want to handle protection and birth control.
When it comes to the responsibility part of the equation, a big part of knowing when you're ready to have sex is knowing how to have safe sex. And if it applies, knowing what kind of birth control to use. Additionally, what steps have you taken to make sure that you're going to have safe sex? Sex therapist Dr. Stefani Threadgill tells Elite Daily these are essential steps when it comes to readiness. So, if you’ve made some of those decisions already, that might be a sign you're ready to get busy. “It is important when having sex for the first time that you have the maturity and knowledge to keep both you and your partner safe,” says Threadgill. “That eliminates much of the anxiety that can prohibit a positive sexual experience, as often people get distracted by their anxious thoughts and insecurities and prevents them from fully experiencing sexual pleasure and connection.”
5. You are sure you want to have sex.
The final sign, says Dr. O’Reilly, is that you and your partner are both sure that you want to have sex and why you want to have sex. “Your desire to have sex will ideally be pressure-free and driven by your own personal desires — for pleasure, connection, excitement, exploration, or other outcomes that you personally value. If you feel you must have sex to maintain a relationship or live up to a cultural standard, you might want to reconsider if having sex will meet your personal needs,” she concludes
The choice of when, how, and with whom to have sex with for the first time is a big one. So, as the experts explain, the most important part of that decision is looking within yourself and deciding when the time is right. If after considering all the signs they mentioned, you feel that you are ready, then that’s fantastic! If not, that's OK too. There is no "perfect" time. The key is just to do what's right for you, when it’s right for you. Period.