If You're In A Relationship But Like Someone Else, Here's What To Do


It's perfectly natural for human beings to develop crushes. I mean, if you ask me, having a crush is one of the best parts of the human experience. That's why it's always seemed so silly to me that we're expected to suddenly stop developing crushes on other people as soon as we enter relationships. I mean, what happens if you're in a relationship but like someone else?

Does it automatically make you a bad person? Of course not. Does it make you a cheater? Well, that depends on how you act on it and what sort of relationship you're in. Honestly, as far as I'm concerned, it's a little unrealistic to expect to have eyes for your partner and no one else for the entirety of your relationship. Hopefully, your partner is the main person you're interested in, but it's perfectly fine to think, "Hmm, maybe I'd be into that person if I were single," every once in a while. It's human nature! If you never ever think that and only have eyes for your partner, more power to you. But if you don't, there's no need to fret.

If you're stressing about this, I come bearing help! In a recent Reddit AskWomen thread, ladies who've experienced this conundrum themselves give their best tips for how to deal.

man receives a message on the smart phone while woman looks jealousShutterstock

Allow It To Be A Fantasy

Yes, I was in a happy long term relationship so I was kind of confused by it. I mostly allowed it to be a fantasy but I monitored myself closely to make sure I didn't take any actions for it to become more than that. It mostly passed after a few months.


Joke About It With Your Spouse, If You Have That Kind Of Relationship

I get crushes all the time and I'm married.
They are just crushes...they can be intense, they can be playful, they can be silly, but they are just crushes...unrequited attraction. I actually joke about them with my spouse.


If You're In A Monogamous Relationship, Break Up Before Acting On It

Yep. Broke up with my boyfriend (for various reasons not just this) then acted upon said crush


Don't Cheat

Yes. I ended up cheating the person I was seriously involved with. It wasn't worth it.


Strongly Consider What The Crush Is Telling You About Your Current Relationship

I was already kind of over my SO at the time. When I got a serious crush on another guy, I realized my relationship was fully over and broke up with him. Not for the other person, but to figure out what I really wanted and to take time for myself, since I obviously wasn't happy.It worked out well. Stayed single for a couple years then met a wonderful man who I'm absolutely happy to share a home and life with.


Young latino man and woman in bed at home. Hispanic woman texting with smartphone and sending message to another man while her husband is still sleepingShutterstock

Give Yourself Some Time And Space To Think

I ended my relationship to give me space and time to see if what I was feeling for the other person was worth pursuing. Either way, being seriously interested in someone else meant that the relationship I was already in had to end.


Give It Time To Disappear On Its Own

I had a crush on a guy since high school so for over 15 years. I've been with my husband for 14 years, all while having a crush on him. I never acted on it and then it just went away one day. The crush was an idea of who the person was I wasn't actually in love with them, the more I got to know my crush the less of a crush I had on them. The longer I've been with my husband the more my love for him grows. I would never give up the love that I have to see where a crush could lead


Accept That Timing Just May Not Be On Your Side With This Particular Person

I had a crush on a friend for years. I met him through mutual friends when we were both single, but his ex begged for him back after our first date.
Thanks to lack of closure, my crush lasted 3 years, and even throughout a multi-year relationship with a guy (who was a major manipulative jerk that cheated on me). But I never acted on it. Eventually, he and his girlfriend broke up, but I was still dwelling on my poop relationship. Then he moved away.


Now, I've just got to note one thing here at the end. Most of these responses dealt more with how to deal with a crush within the confines of a monogamous relationship. Keep in mind that open relationships are also a great option to explore if you and your partner are interested. There's no one "right" way to have a happy, satisfying relationship!

This post was originally published on Nov. 21, 2018. It was updated on Aug. 9, 2019 by Candice Jalili.

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