How do you feel about getting chatty in bed? Do you like to keep the discourse going while you get it on, or do you think sex is a time for quiet focus? Here's the good news: There is no "right" answer. It's all about what works for you and your partner. However, if you find that your partner won’t stop talking during sex when you prefer silence in the bedroom, that can be frustrating, to say the least.
According to Elise Schuster, a sexuality educator and founder of the okayso app, it's not uncommon to have different preferences in the bedroom. "We all need different things from our partners when we're having sex, and talking is definitely on that list," Schuster tells Elite Daily. "Sometimes it's very easy to lose focus or get wrapped up in our own thoughts and what someone else is saying (or not saying) can pull us away from what's happening. Sometimes it might not be the amount of talking, but what your partner is saying when they're talking that might also be an issue if they're saying something that feels degrading or commanding in ways that are a turn-off for you."
Is this sounding a bit too familiar? If so, the best way to address the issue and find a healthy solution is to talk about it, as Carlyle Jansen, a sex expert and founder of Good For Her, tells Elite Daily. "You can’t fix something by not discussing it," Carlyle tells Elite Daily. "Deep emotional intimacy and connection is built on these tough conversations. Besides, no one wants to have sex where their partner is just going through the motions."
If you're worried about this conversation being awkward, or about potentially embarrassing or inadvertently shaming your partner, I get it! That's why I reached out to Jansen and Schuster for advice on how to talk to your SO about what you need in bed, when what you really need is for them to quiet down a bit.