If Your Partner Doesn’t Love You Enough, 11 Women Who've Been There Explain What To Do
One of those pesky things fairytales and rom-coms don't quite warn you about is the potential that the person you love so dearly may not love you back in the same capacity. Yes, you guys could enter a relationship. And, yes, they could love you to a certain extent. But there's always the terrifying chance that they may not love you enough. So what are you supposed to do in that case? What do you do when your partner doesn’t love you enough?
Understand people have different love languages.
I'm a lot more affectionate and hand holdy than he is. I also grew up in a household where we were encouraged to say I love you whenever we felt it. Because he doesnt display Hallmark Card romance sometimes it feels like he doesnt love me as much as I love him....until I look over and realize that for the past 6 hours he has been researching the best insulated pants to keep me warm while camping because I was cold last time. Because if that ain't love, I dont know what is.
Understand when it's time to leave.
I have felt that in past relationships, although in retrospect it was probably more that I respected them more than they respected me. I would ask how they felt about things and then tried to do stuff they liked, but that was never reciprocated, even though I told them outright that I liked this or this other thing they did made me feel bad (and I made sure to do this in a direct but lighthearted way, not during a fight or other stress). It was like they just assumed I’d always be there even if they put in zero effort. So I left. My current relationship is not like that at all - in fact, I’m really careful about what I ask for and what I tell him bothers me, because he takes it to heart and I don’t want to make him concerned over unimportant things.
Determine whether or not it's an issue of investment.
I agree with what a lot of other people have said about different ways of showing affection.BUT I have been in long term relationships where I always felt that I was a little more invested in him than he was. It was just a terrible nagging feeling. The difference was that we constantly fought and I was the one who always ended up apologizing because I was too scared to lose him. When he finally broke up with me it was genuinely the most freeing thing and I felt like I could live for myself for once. That was a few years ago, I'm MUCH happier now in an equal, loving relationship. tldr; yes, we express love different ways, but if it feels unequal and they treat you unequally it's not healthy for your self esteem :)
Don't keep a score card.
This is one of those situations where you don’t keep a scorecard.We love each other deeply. We don’t grade it. We don’t get into who loves the other more as if it’s a competition. We feel it and see it.The way we show it to one another is different. It’s always acknowledged and reciprocated.
Get a grip on reality.
I'm married. Sometimes I feel that way because I do things for him that he doesn't do for me. But we are different individuals and just because he doesn't do for me what I do for him doesn't mean he doesn't do sh*t for me. Because he does in his own way. I have a fear of abandonment and rejection so I'm always on high alert when it comes to stuff like that. Sometimes I convince myself that he doesn't love me anymore but I know it's all lies. I've been trying to ignore it. I don't bring it up with him. I have to maintain the facade of being a heartless badass as long as I can. Lol
Take note of how you benefit each other's lives.
We love each other differerntly for sure. I’m a way more romantically, all enocompassing love where “we” are pretty much my entire existence. He’s much more rational about it. The good thing is he gets romantic at times and I can see how we benefit each other outside of cuddling and warm fuzzy feelings so we do ok but simply Because I’m more emotional about it I feel unappreciated at times and feel like I love him more if that makes any sense.
If you're feeling unfulfilled, leave.
I am not now, but I was before. Ultimately, I ended the relationship because I felt like a beggar, constantly unfulfilled, and he felt incapable of giving me enough affection. That was almost 9 years ago, and we are dear friends to this day. My husband is very obviously the love of my life, and our dynamic has never included this unhappy geometry.
Figure out the way you need to be loved.
I will say that I felt this way while in a five year relationship. The feeing never really went away that I loved him more than he loved me. However, he is my ex now. I never have felt this way with my current boyfriend of 2 years. Some people express love in different ways, and for some it breaks the relationship
Accept that you're going to have on days and off days.
I feel this way sometimes, but he’s just not a very physically affectionate person. We’ve been together for 5 years, and moved in together earlier this year (we would’ve lived together awhile ago but we were in college).Some days I feel like he loves me and other days I feel like he tolerates me, but I’m the same exact way. Some days he annoys the crap out of me, but overall I know that he truly does love me and I love him.So I think as long as you believe that on most days he loves you very deeply, then I think you’re okay
Understand that your life might not necessarily wind up being a Disney romance.
Everyone wants 100%. But life isn't designed for 100%. There is always gonna be decimals. The numbers won't be equal. So I know the balance isn't equal and I'm okay with it. Life has so many parts to it,as long as we're above 75%, I'm content, don't need or deserve a Disney romance.
At the end of the day, only one question matters: Are your needs being met in this relationship? How fulfilled are you? If you're really truly happy, don't bother checking the score board for who loves who more.