If Your Ex Cheated On You, Recite These 8 Mantras To Start Healing
While they're not quite as effective as, say, talking to a professional or having a good cry on a friend's shoulder, there are some mantras to use after you've been cheated on that can help you begin to move on. When you feel lost in the aftermath of a terrible breakup, clinging to helpful phrase like a life raft might make you feel calmer, more centered, and even more confident. These aren't exactly magic spells — you can't utter a few words and instantly fix a broken heart. But if you find a mantra that resonates with you, you might be able to find temporarily relief and briefly boost your spirits.
As several relationship experts point out below, if you've been cheated on, it's important to remember that this incident was not your fault. Your ex's actions rest on their shoulders — not yours. And even if this experience is incredibly painful right now, trust that you won't always feel this way. With time, you'll be able to gain perspective, move on, and be able to trust others again.
Read the mantras below and feel free to use whichever one is calling to you in the moment.
"This is hard."
It might feel like moving on should be easy after you went through something so obviously heartbreaking, but the process is often no walk in the park. “It’s really challenging to move forward when you’ve been cheated on,” life coach Nina Rubin previously told Elite Daily.
Accept that what you're going through is undoubtedly difficult. “It hurts to know that your ex has broken their promises to you and wasted your time and energy,” Cherlyn Chong, a dating and breakup recovery coach previously explained to Elite Daily. Allow yourself to feel the pain and accept the fact that getting over this isn't going to be a seamless process.
"I'm feeling a lot of different feelings right now."
“Affairs bring with them extremely complex emotions and thoughts of anger, hurt, shame, embarrassment, self-doubt, humiliation, confusion, and fear, Dr. Gary Brown previously told Elite Daily.
You might hate and miss your ex at the same time. You might feel deeply confused about where your relationship went wrong. That's all OK — and with time, these feelings will pass.
"I am worthy of love."
Your ex's behavior might trigger feelings of insecurity, but their actions are in no way a reflection of the love you deserve.
“Not only do you have the loss of the relationship to get over, you [might] also have the shame of feeling replaced by someone ‘better.’ You're constantly wondering if they were better-looking, taller, funnier or even better at sex than you,” Chong told Elite Daily. It may be tempting to sit there comparing yourself to the person your ex cheated with, but no truth is ever going to come from playing that game.
“It's never because you weren't good enough,” Chong explained. “Nor was it something you did that caused them to cheat. Cheating is their decision, and their decision alone. Cheating is multifaceted, and sometimes the reason for cheating can be deeper and more complex.”
"I will not speak to my ex until I'm over this."
Whether or not you choose to speak to your ex once you've gotten over it is your call, but it may be a good idea to take a break from them for the time being.
"Make a clear intention to not see your ex for a minimum of 90 days," Dr. Brown previously told Elite Daily. "Doing this will send them the message that this really is over and will give you some time to grieve and lick your wounds.”
“If the person has broken up with you due to the other person, you must 'reject the rejector'," Chong says. "If you have broken up with the person, you must decide that you will not accept that person back, because they have broken your trust and that can never be replaced again.”
"What happened was not my fault."
While it can be tempting to look inward and try to find things you might have done to cause this betrayal, the fact of the matter is that what happened was their fault and their fault only.
According to marriage and family therapist Nicole Richardson, cheating often happens because of the cheater's poor communication skills. "They may not [have known] how to tell [you] that they [didn’t] feel valued, needed, or seen," Richardson previously told Elite Daily.
"It's OK if this takes a while."
As much as you may want to get this grieving process over with as soon as possible, it's important to let yourself take all of the time that it needs to cope with all of your complicated feelings.
“Forgiveness and grief are similar as there are stages, and you may move from denial to depression as new information or hurts arise,” warned Richardson. Go with the flow and give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up for you as new interactions and information arise.
"My gut has all of the answers."
Deciding where you want to go from here in terms of your relationship can be stressful, but the key is to just listen to your gut.
“Forgiveness does not necessarily mean staying together,” Richardson said. “If you are [still] wondering if you should stay with a partner who has cheated, your gut is telling you what to do.”
"It's normal to miss my ex."
It may feel absurd to miss someone who hurt you so deeply, but the fact of the matter is that the person played an important role in your life. It's only normal to miss them. Even once months have gone by and you're starting to feel like you're really finally over it, you may still have fleeting moments of missing them.
"After a breakup, people should expect withdrawal symptoms for roughly six months and increase their self-care and social support during this season," licensed psychologist Dr. Wyatt Fisher told Elite Daily.
Hopefully one of these mantras helps get you through this difficult time.