Here's What To Do When You & Your Partner Disagree Over How Much Time You Spend Together
At the beginning of a relationship, it's normal to want to spend all your time with your new partner. But as you transition out of the honeymoon phase and into a new normal, you may find yourself with less of an urge to spend every waking moment together. That's normal too, but if you and your bae disagree on how much time you spend together, figuring out a happy medium can be a little tricky. Your partner may prefer to have some more personal space, or perhaps you disagree on how many nights to spend at each other's places. Either way, experts say what it really comes down to is communication.
"This is really about a needs and wants discussion at the outset, and those will vary from person to person," Chris Armstrong, founder of the relationship coaching company Maze of Love, tells Elite Daily. "Needs, of course, are non-negotiable, while wants are negotiable. It could be that one partner in the relationship has a need to see/be with their partner a lot, while the other needs space. In this situation, there will always be a rub, and it is more common than people think. The challenge with resolving this specific situation is that when people either need constant togetherness or constant space, it is an inherent part of their overall personality — and thus, it is difficult to reconcile."
If you and your partner establish that wanting to spend different amounts of time together isn't based on your needs for constant togetherness or constant space, then it's important to see why you disagree. "The 'why' will help the couple focus on resolution," Armstrong says. "Some possible reasons why a couple does not spend enough time together range from things that are difficult to control ... to things that are easier to control. Getting clear on whether the issue is within the control of either partner must be the first step."
"Explain how you’re feeling and why you need more or less time with one another," Julia Bekker, matchmaker and dating and relationship coach, tells Elite Daily. "Allow your partner to understand your needs and in return you should listen and respect their needs as well." Once you've both reached a place where you understand each other, you can come to some sort of compromise, Bekker says.
Even if you might feel like your partner should know where you're coming from and understand it without struggle, that's not necessarily always the case. "A lot of people struggle with the idea of laying it all out for their partners," Pricilla Martinez, CEO of Regroop Online Life Coaching, tells Elite Daily. "However, it's unfair to expect that they know exactly what you need if they have a different take on quality time. It's important to teach people how to treat you and how to love you. Having to provide guidance doesn't make them the wrong partner."
According to Armstrong, "the best thing that two people can do is make the most of the time they do have." He suggests you make it count! But if you both have flexible schedules and neither of you is making the effort to spend more time together, it might be time for a conversation.
"You don’t need to beat around the bush or stomp around unhappy," Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, tells Elite Daily. "Find out what the happy medium is for you both. Take into account what your partner wants and come to a defined agreement which takes into account both of your needs."