When it comes to breakups, space is a good thing. That isn't to say you're forbidden from talking to your ex, but when that familiar impulse rises in your chest to reach out to them — pause for a second. Ask yourself why you want to text your ex and if it's something that a friend, roommate, or family member could help you with instead. It's totally normal to struggle with wanting to text your ex but it's important to consider the emotional impact of reaching out to them.
I remember throwing my back out once and texting an ex because I needed someone to pick up medicine for me at the pharmacy. It made things way worse when they didn't respond and I ended up being hurt from an injury and by my ex. It wasn't their fault at all, and they weren't intentionally trying to hurt my feelings, but when relationships end, it's easy to forget that your ex may not respond to you in the way they did when you were dating.
Sometimes what it comes down to is understanding what you need in that moment that's making you want to text them. The good news is that there are numerous people in your life that you can lean on when you're going through a breakup. Take a look at the situations below in which you might be tempted to text your ex and see who you can contact instead!
If you need help with something logistical...
When you have a partner, you often work together and support each other through some of the most mundane, but necessary, aspects of life. Building a book shelf or needing a ride somewhere specific are things that you might think warrant reaching out to your former partner. Before you do so, consider others that can help you with the task at hand.
- Ask a roommate or friend to help you. You can repay them with dinner or a bottle of wine.
- Schedule a Task Rabbit to help you build that bookshelf.
If you want to make plans...
When the weekend rolls around and you are used to hanging with your bae, try not to stress when you don't know what to do with a free night. There are plenty of friends that want to see you and there's plenty of fun to have with them! Consider making plans well in advance for nights you know you will be extra tempted to contact your ex. The following options could be a great solution for when you're feeling lonely.
- Text your best friend about meeting for dinner.
- Message your friend group about picnicking together.
- Schedule a FaceTime date with a long distance BFF.
- Call a family member you've been meaning to catch up with.
If you miss date nights or sex...
It can be really hard to resist texting your ex when you miss them romantically. Making sure to assess your feelings and the established boundaries you have with your ex is important. If your ex specified that things stay platonic, make sure to not cross that boundary. It makes sense to miss the romance and sex, though, and you're certainly not barred from finding it elsewhere. Try the following when you're compelled to text your ex because you're missing the intimacy you once had.
- Download a dating app and create a profile.
- Ask someone from a dating app on a date.
- Swipe through Tinder to find someone new to talk to.
- Get in touch with yourself — masturbate.
If you need to talk through your feelings...
Breakups usually release a lot of feelings. Many of them flood out at unexpected times. If you find yourself overwhelmed with emotion and compelled to reach out to your ex, consider reaching out to someone else that can affirm and understand your feelings.
- Try talking to a loving and understanding family member or friend.
- Text a friend that has been through something like this before.
- FaceTime someone that knows how to cheer you up.
Hopefully these options can really help you out when it comes to feeling like you need to text your ex. Despite feeling alone, try to remember that there are numerous other people that can look out for you and make you feel loved. Being single does not mean that you don't have people to rely on. Besides, if you decide to figure out how to build that IKEA bookshelf on your own — you might just feel super proud of yourself and your independence.
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