I have a very bad habit of trying to sabotage my relationships early on. When things start to get good and it feels like it's going somewhere, there's a little voice in my head that encourages me to try and push that person away — in order to see if they will stick it out. It took me a long time to see what I was doing and why I was doing it. What I came realize is that it's the voice of my long-term trust issues telling me I need to test my potential partners to make sure they really care about me, because I don't feel safe just believing myself worthy of their love and commitment.
Here's the thing: It wasn't always this way. It developed over time with a handful of betrayals, bad experiences, and one particularly awful, emotionally manipulative relationship. While I survived that experience, it definitely left some psychological scars that showed themselves whenever I was expected to trust someone — and sometimes when I needed to trust myself. Instead of confidence, their words and actions (which I had internalized) would come back to haunt me and I would act out in response. I knew I couldn't be the only one who's experienced this. Turns out, I'm definitely not.
"When we internalize what someone else says and take it on as our truth, that can impact how we make decisions in relationships moving forward if we're not solid on what we believe," Diana Dorell, intuitive dating coach and author of The Dating Mirror: Trust Again, Love Again, tells Elite Daily. Those traumas can also come up again in our future relationships, as Dr. Gary Brown, a prominent relationship therapist in Los Angeles, tells Elite Daily. "Words have meaning and when a former lover said things that were truly hurtful whether true or not — their words can damage our ability to trust in the next relationship,” he explains.
Is all this resonating? Are you wondering if something an ex has said is contributing to your current trust issues? The experts say that if your ex said any of the following things, there is a good chance they did.