You start dating someone and things are going so well. Way better than you thought, in fact, and you're excited to put a label on whatever is going on with you and that person. You want to make it official, and define the relationship so you can have that commitment to solidify the relationship. But what if you define the relationship too soon? Are there things that could go wrong if you define the relationship before you actually know that person well enough? Are there any possible benefits to defining the relationship before you know that person? What if it doesn't go how you think it will?
I spoke to online dating expert Julie Spira about the potential outcomes of defining a relationship too soon.
She says that defining a relationship within the span of a couple of dates could be problematic if you don't yet know the person and are still early on in the process of getting familiar with each other.
"Remember, you’re just getting to know someone, and both of you are on [your] best behavior," Spira tells Elite Daily. "You also don’t know if the person you’re dating is still dating others or has an active dating profile up. Once you’ve got a strong connection, are talking and texting daily, it’s a good time to let the person know you’re enjoying the direction your relationship is going in."
Spira says if you hastily define the relationship before the other person is ready, or before you've gotten to know each other well enough, it could scare off that person.
"It could start to get awkward if you have the talk too soon," she says. It may be that that person still wants to get to know you, not even that they don't like you enough, just that they don't know you well enough to commit. Having the talk too early before they're ready may prevent you two from every actually getting to that natural point of commitment.
On the other hand, if you ask to DTR too soon because you're looking for something serious and want to know that the person you're dating is on the same page, you may end up with more clarity from that person on what they want.
"If you know for sure you want a serious relationship, especially including marriage and children, and find out that your SO wants to play the field and still date others, you’ll get the message early on that they aren’t on the same page, so you won’t be wasting your time with someone who will never commit to you," Spira says. "That’s the benefit, so it can open you up to meeting someone else."
If you do happen to have the DTR conversation too soon and it doesn't go as planned, you'll learn from the experience, and know how to handle it moving forward. You'll be more prepared in your next relationship, and maybe you'll have a clearer idea of how to handle it the next time around.
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